Things My Newborn Has Taught Me. (In A Week!)

As I sit here today, looking at my sweet baby, I realize just how much my life has changed in the last nine days. I think of all of the things that this tiny baby (with little life experience) has taught me in this short period of time. It really amazes me... there is no way that I could ever list it all - but here's a couple of things I've learned:

1. It is entirely possible to live on less than 3 hours of sleep at night... and function half-way decently. Two weeks ago, I would have told you that, for me, less than 10 hours of sleep a night was an evil that was never to be mentioned. I COULDN'T function on less than that unless there was a LOT of coffee involved. And two weeks ago, I would have been right. Now, 3.5 hours of sleep is something to rejoice over.

2. It is also possible to live on cold food. Because for some reason, even when you warm it up in the microwave, it still somehow sits in there until it gets cold again. (Which totally doesn't matter because you're so pre-occupied that you're not even paying attention to what you're shoveling into your mouth at warp speed.)

3. You DO have time to take a shower. It's just that it happens to be the same time that you could spend 'nuggling with your baby... Or staring at her like a crazed lunatic debating on whether or not she's breathing. The few times I have taken a shower, it has been at the gentle urging of those caring folks around me. 'Cause given a couple extra hours, I would be sporting dreads and have enough oil on my face to fry a batch of chicken large enough to feed all of Spartanburg County... and even the baby doesn't want that.

4. They're called BOO-BEES.  At one time, talking about or referencing boobs in front of certain people (or having people talk about or reference my boobs) would have been embarrassing and could be vulgar depending on the situation. Now, they only have one purpose: feed the baby. They do weird  and fascinating things - and can be quite interesting to talk about. I have amazed myself at how quickly I will whip those suckers out in front of people to make sure my girl gets her belly full. I will never think of them the same way again - and I feel like that's a good thing.
Bonus: Baby knows good and well who has the boobies - and who doesn't. It makes the playing field uneven - but who says I had to play this game fair?

5. You can still be a hypochondriac. It's just pointed in a different direction now. Now, I worry about catching something because I could give it to the baby... or I worry that something could be wrong with the baby and I not notice. (Ben, she has a BOOGER. SHE HAS A BOOGER. She has never had a booger before! Do you think she is getting a cold?! Should I call the pediatrician?! SHE COULD HAVE A FEVER AND NEEDS TO BE HOSPITALIZED!!) 

6. Things that you could be chill about with other people's babies - now freak the tar out of you.
Things like: boogers, breathing, sleeping too long, not sleeping long enough, not taking long enough to eat, what her cord stump looks like, giving the baby a bath, taking her temperature, to give a paci or not to give a paci, where she should sleep, etc, etc.

7. They told me I'd love him even more... and I do. Labor and Deliver really showed me how much my husband loves me - and how much I love him. And now I get the bonus of watching my big, burly, grown-up, rough-and-tough man take care of my itty-bitty little girl. I cannot explain the emotions of this. I would love to show the world just how special their relationship is already. Daddy might not have boobies, but she knows who her Daddy  is - and no one can calm her down like he can.

8. Just because someone else' baby liked it, doesn't mean that yours will. My nephew and Peyton are about 8 months apart. He liked to be a burrito baby. Naturally, I tried it with her. It took me a few days to realize... but nothing ticks her off more than having her arms pinned down. She WILL have her arms out and up by her face, if it's the last thing she ever does. He loved a swing; she screamed bloody murder in the swing. (But she thinks the glider is awesome!)

9. Big things come in small packages. Ben and I talked about how most infants we knew had these soft little kitten cries and how that couldn't be so bad to have to listen to... We just assumed that she would be the same. Well... we all know what assuming does. We have never met such a little baby with such big, strong lungs. (Or such a big, bad temper!) Kitten cries, my foot. This kid roars like a lion. Just TRY to ignore her. She's scared more than one visitor. Speaking of big things in small packages... this kid is explosive. Anyone want the diaper changing night-shift?

10. Speaking of diapers... people lie. People said that breastfed babies do not have stinky poo. I would like all of those people to come ask my husband about last night - and come change a few of her diapers.

11. No judging allowed. Yeah, my kid has a paci before she's supposed to... what of it? I have come to realize that yes, there are some bad mothers out there who really don't care about their kid. But for the most part, every child is different - and a lot of Moms are just trying to survive.

12. My belly button looks weird. ...and I have stretch marks, a weird tummy-tan, a jelly-like poochy belly with dark lines, and I really think I leak from every part of my body... and I'm not really worried about it. I always thought that I would care more - but I realized that my body just did something amazing and hard! And it needs time to heal. Plus the two people who I love the most don't seem to notice or care that I don't look exactly the same as I did before, so who cares what Hollywood does? I'm going to take my time to heal and worry about it later.

13. My brain is still missing. Granted, maybe it's because I'm sleep deprived and obsessed with this tiny person. I hear that I'll get most of it back one of these days... but some of it will never return.

14. You really cannot take enough pictures. Really, my baby is hilarious. She makes me best faces.

15. There are angels everywhere. Just when you start to lose faith in humanity... there are people who let you take a bath, a nap, bring you food, open the door, carry your car seat, ask how you're doing, supply you with clothes and baby soothing items, remind you how important what you're doing is, tell you that you're doing a great job, and that your baby is beautiful. For these people I will be forever thankful - and you can bet I've prayed blessings upon them all.

A parting shot

Hey everyone! It's been a little while - but I have a REALLY good reason:

Meet Peyton Elizabeth! She was born Tuesday, October 29th at 4:19pm - after 8 hours of labor; 19 inches long and weighing in at 7lbs 5oz. (Her daddy guessed her weight on the dot!) 

I cannot express how much we are in love with this little girl! I will be writing her birth story soon - (I can't right now, I'm sitting in the health department to see about getting her birth certificate.) but until then, here's a parting shot to wrap up my belly documentation:

38, 39, 40...

Okay, here I am.

39 weeks and 4 days pregnant.

I apologize for no regular updates during this time. (If you'd like a visual image: imagine a zitty, extra puffy giant marshmallow.) I also apologize for not getting back to some of you on Facebook, text message, phone calls, email, etc.
To be honest, I've been a little bombarded the last week or so... so I've had to put away almost all media devices.

So here's an interview with me:
Beware. This is a grumpy pregnant lady post.

So, Beth... have you had the baby yet?
No. I have not had the baby yet. But then again... I could have already had her and I've just been hiding her under the bed, refusing to tell anyone. The world may never know...

Are you feeling any pains?
Yes. I feel pains quite often. My back hurts, my belly hurts, my boobs hurt, my privates hurt, my head hurts, my feet hurt. I really could go on and on.

I mean contraction pains. Are you having any of those?
Yes. Quite frequently. They are real and they are time-able. I am apparently in what you call "early labor." Unfortunately, I am not dilating. This can be quite frustrating.

Which means?
That while I'm almost completely effaced, and the baby is super low - I could go at any time! Except that my cervix is apparently the equivalent of Fort Knox... or an old door that is rusted (almost) closed... or perhaps Hotel California.

Have you tried...
Why yes, I have tried many, many things.
Pretty much, you name it - we've tried it... Everything but Castor Oil and Evening Primrose Oil. I do not plan on using either. I have talked to FAR too many women that say that those are NOT 100% because it didn't work for them. I will be wise and learn from other's mistakes. I have come to the conclusion that NONE of them work. They may help it along from B to C, but they do not appear to get you from A to C.

Have you lost your plug?
Yes. Two weeks ago. It was disgusting.

Are you Nesting?
I've been cleaning for two weeks. I decided to give up already. Who cares if the house is messy?

Well, at least you have time to enjoy your sleep.
Bull Hockey. I sleep in 1.2 - 3 hour increments. Sometimes I wake up because of a contraction. Many, many times I wake up because I have a never ending supply of pee. After which, I cannot always just "fall back asleep." I have gotten quite good at solitaire. I really think having a baby would be better company though. You cannot cuddle with solitaire. You cannot cover solitaire with kisses. You cannot squish solitaire's fat little cheeks. Solitaire does not smell good. You cannot play dress up with Solitaire.

Well then, at least you can enjoy going out and being young with your husband!
You obviously do not know me or my husband. (You also must not know how it feels to be the size of a blimp.) We do enjoy spending time with each other. We also enjoy staying home and being lazy, couch-potato bums. We enjoy watching movies and TV shows like The Price is Right. We enjoy going to bed by 9 and waking up early - and taking naps in the middle of the day. WE ARE the old farts that most young couples strive to become. (And yes, we enjoy it.)

How'd the doctors appointment go?
I cried. A lot. My cervix hasn't changed ANY. Thus, I was not able to schedule an induction this week due to the fact that it could make my risk of a C-section go up. My blood pressure was up, up, up - so they sent me home with a 24 hour urine test. (BTW NOT FUN.) Prayerfully, I will be able to get an end-date by the end of the week. It's quite discouraging to not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Thankfully, everyone at my doctors office is quite nice and doesn't seem to mind if I cry like a crazy lunatic.

Any last thoughts for the morning:
Yes. I understand that I sound ungrateful. I promise that I am not. I love my baby and I want the very best for her. I promise, no one is more anxious or excited about the birth of my baby. I cannot wait to hold my baby - and to watch my husband hold and love our baby.

I've read lots of posts about women who love being 40 weeks pregnant - who wish that they could be pregnant forever. Plus, carrying your baby all the way to 40 weeks has SO many benefits for your baby.

To those women, I would like to say: Smoking weed is not suggested during pregnancy. (Or ever.)
So, go stuff a cookie in it (but not mine - go get your own.) and find someone else to whom you can spout insanities.

If anyone needs me, I'll be the crazy one in the corner crying, stuffing my face with unhealthy foods, and bouncing on the giant ball.

A Bad Case of Crazy

Okay, so I've avoided writing any of this because I've been hiding and avoiding people like the plague.
... and secretly thinking that if I write this down I will jinx everything and slow it all down even more.

I really thought that I would be writing her birth story by now... not about how mental I've become.

It's quite a long and boring saga. For me, I feel like I've been living in some strange dream where I don't feel anything like myself and absolutely nothing makes sense.

Where to start... where to start?

I guess we'll start at the beginning... and when we get to the end... we'll stop.

WEDNESDAY:
Time for another Doctors appointment. I actually didn't take Ben with me to this one.
One: he was really busy at work.
Two: I ignorantly figured that if I didn't bring him along, we would get some good news and have to rush like crazy people to get our bags and get to the hospital.
I go through the normal process and check. The week before: 1cm and 75% effaced. This week: 90% effaced and STILL 1cm. I had made no progress dilating. I cannot describe how disappointed I was in that news. I cried all the way home. It didn't make sense! Though they weren't bad contractions, I was still having them... I had thought for sure I would have made SOME progress. I was so upset and nothing was making me happy, so I went to bed at 6:30.

THURSDAY:
The next morning, I was moody, tired, and suffering from a cry-hangover. Plus, while work hasn't changed, it's begun to take a toll on me. I just can't keep up with things like I used to any more. It's hard to be nice. It's hard to think straight.
I decided I needed coffee. Even one little cup would be able to help. I go to the back to make coffee... and the coffee pot is messed up. It's pouring out tar... and I haven't even put the grounds in yet. I'm ashamed to say that I got more than a little worked up over the coffee pot. I was so close to cussing, it wasn't funny. Plus, while I was standing at the bar trying to fix the coffee pot, I was having contractions.
I ended up leaving work to go to the gas station to buy a cup of coffee. (Which makes me feel bad because most people do not appreciate seeing a pregnant lady drinking a cup of caffeinated anything. Apparently it makes you a bad mom.) BUT I never made it in the store. I sat out in the parking lot talking and crying all over my mom for 20 minutes... and I couldn't stop crying. Blessedly, I really do have THE most understanding boss in the world. I went home for a couple of hours, drank some coffee, and decided to go lay down. Not long after that, I noticed that I was having pretty steady contractions. For the heck of it, I decided to start timing them. 10 minutes apart... then 7 minutes... then 5 minutes... I call the hubs and the doctor. The contractions keep moving closer together - by the time I call the doctor again, my contractions are 3-4 minutes apart and they aren't getting better with walking or drinking water. It's agreed that I come in ASAP. I let my boss know that I had accidentally lied, and that I would be going to the doctor instead of back to work. I call Ben and he books it home. We throw some clothes in a couple of bags, and put everything in the car. Ben was hilarious - I thought he was going to leave me at home for a minute there. He was fussing at me for moving too slowly. He was out the door, throwing bags in the trunk, and telling me to pull the door shut on my way out. As he put it: I really needed to hurry up and take this seriously - we could be having a baby!
I kept telling him I didn't want to get my hopes up, and that he shouldn't either. Plus, even if we were in labor, it could take a long time. To which he replied that the doctors said to come in when my contractions were five minutes apart - and we were closer than that - AND that he could be excited if he wanted to be. It was super cute to watch him. Like I tell him all the time: "Reminds me why I married you."
By the time we get to the doctors office, my contractions are still 3 minutes apart and I've been counting for over 3 hours. They take me back almost immediately and take us to get a Non-Stress Test. (Which by the way, is wonderful. You get to lay back in this huge, comfy recliner and watch TV - all while getting to listen to your baby's heartbeat.) I was having contractions, so they checked me again. Other than her head being really low, I had made NO progress since the day before. None. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Nothing. Doc said it looked like early labor and that it could last a couple hours or a couple days before I have to come back in... or it could completely fizzle out. He gave me some instructions of what to look out for and asked the nurse to check my blood pressure again before I left. (It was a little high) By the time she came back in, I was crying all over Ben and I  started crying all over her too. She was so sweet about it. Since my blood pressure was still high, the doc had me scheduled to come back in on Monday - if I didn't have the baby before then.
We left, and ate hot wings.
I was able to track my contractions at 3 minutes apart for another 3 hours.
Right before I would have gone to Labor and Delivery, they spaced out to 5 minutes. I was not about to have someone else tell me that I had made no progress, so I went to bed. Kind of pointless, because the contractions kept me up half the night.

FRIDAY:
I tell my boss I'm coming in to take care of payroll stuff, and then I head back home - where I sleep for a majority of the day. I don't really remember the rest of Friday. I'm sure it contained a lot of me trying all of the things that are supposed to put you in labor. (I'm an expert on them now - I should be able to tell you everything that DOESN'T work... which is pretty much all of it.)

SATURDAY:
I get up feeling FANTASTIC. Which, makes me feel even better because EVERYONE says the day before you go into labor you feel like your old self again. PLUS it was my day on the guessing roster... and Mother knows best, right?! Except that by 2pm... I hit a wall. I'm tired, and I realize that this baby is not going to make her appearance on the 12th. Plus, about every five minutes I was being asked if I was feeling any pains. I started feeling rushed. I started feeling like I should be able to do something to make this child decide to come out. Worst part though: Apparently, I'M the one holding us up. I'M the one who isn't dilating. Everything else appears to be all lined up. By this time, all of that - plus contractions were really starting to wear me down.
I'M TIRED.
I decide to give up. Thinking about the fact that it would be another 3+ weeks only made me sad. Maybe if I would stop trying to make her come out, it would help me be less stressed - which worked until I lost my mucus plug Saturday night. (Another one of those things that everyone says happened to them the day before they went into labor. Good luck not obsessing about it anymore.)

SUNDAY:
I skip church and spend the day as a recluse in the house. I thought for sure that today would be the day. I was home alone, and Ben had to drive to timbucktoo (sp?) to get a pony. He would be gone for HOURS. OF COURSE I WOULD GO INTO LABOR WHEN HE WOULD BE FAR AWAY, RIGHT?
Wrong.
I realize that there is no way that I'm going to be able to make it through the work week. As much as I didn't want to do it - I realized that I'm going to have to ask my boss for some time off. This decision did not come easily. I LOVE my job. I enjoy it. Not only that, but I ALWAYS show up. I haven't ever had a sick day. If I DID take a day off, it was usually on a Friday - with notice WELL in advance... and if I could, I would take some of my work with me. But I had been crying at least 2-3 times a day since Wednesday, I was horribly cranky (which would get worse if contractions kicked in, and it's kind of hard to explain that to people), anything could set me off... AND my brain seems to have lost almost all of its functioning.
I was still hoping that maybe I would go into labor that night and I wouldn't have to worry about it. (I even washed the bed sheets because I figured if I put fresh sheets on the bed my water would break.) In fact, my hopes got REALLY high during a trip to Wal-Mart when I rushed Ben out of the store because my contractions were getting strong enough that it was hard to talk through some of them. I even rushed past one of my old roommates and didn't say hi (Sorry Kayla!!)  because I thought that these HAD to be what everyone was talking about - and if so, I needed to get home!

MONDAY:
At least 3 women have their babies over the weekend, not one of them was me. Out of the 35+ women that I knew that were pregnant and due close to me, I am one of 2 left. I'm starting to feel like the kid who always got picked last on the playground.
So, I go to work and I talk to my boss. (Again, he is amazingly understanding.) I work until 1:30 to try and finish up a few things, and then make my way to my doctors appointment. (I left Ben again. We scheduled the appointment without looking at his work schedule because we were sure that I would have the baby by now...)To be honest, I think that the nurses were as shocked as I was to see me waddle in there. We go through the usual. They ask if I've been having any contractions - I say yes, but I couldn't tell them how many because I gave up timing them days ago. I figured it was my best bet to start ignoring them. They send me back for another NST - which was amazingly relaxing. If I didn't have that little button to push, I would have seriously thought about going to sleep. (From what I was able to figure out from watching that little machine, I was having pretty good contractions. (I tried to focus on watching The View, but hey commercials happen.) One of the times I looked over there during a contraction, it was up in the 80's! (apparently it's a 1-100 type deal?) But baby was not a fan. It was funny to watch her kick those little button-thingys... and strange to listen how her heartbeat changed before and after a contraction. The nurse was impressed - and we were both hoping the doctor would tell me to hurry up and get my butt to the hospital.
I go back into one of the exam rooms, where I'm immediately embarrassed because I forgot to wear my socks. I mean, I had my toenails polished, but I had been wearing my croc flats and running around like a crazy person all day... and let me tell you - those shoes feel awesome for my preggo feet, but I could shame a teenage boy with how horrible my feet smell when I take them off. The doc comes and I apologize - he's hilarious about the whole thing and he's super fast with the check up (Which is a plus, because those checks don't hurt, but are not always comfortable.) Apparently, baby's head is REALLY low! And I'm ALMOST at 2cm. (I really thought for sure that I would at least be a 3... but I keep surprising myself.) Again, doc tells me what to look out for, and schedules me for next Monday.

I'm almost used to the disappointment.

Almost.

I'm still here...

... and we're still waiting on baby.

I just can't bring myself to write everything about the last week or so down right now.

So, here's a video that seems to sum up my last two weeks.



And I definitely cried because I totally know how Mrs. Jumbo feels right now.

Dear Baby

Hello Dear, it's your Mother.

I've been wanting to write this letter to you for quite some time. I just wanted to wait until we were a little closer to our due date. Well, I finally figured the heck with it. You could be coming out tonight - or you could be coming out next month. Plus, I'm wide awake at 12:30 at night... sitting on this durn ball. (I say "durn" in the most loving and endearing terms. This ball has been a gift from God - it has really helped me out these last couple of weeks.)  What better time than to write you a little letter? (Go ahead and forgive the rambling. It's been a long time since I've written anything this late at night. It's been a long time since I've seen something other than the back of my eyelids this late at night!)

Heck, I'm not even sure how to write this or what I want to say.

Here goes nothing, kid.

We have had quite a journey together, no?
You started as just a big dream and a prayer... and now you're my squirmy little buddy that REALLY hates to be poked, prodded, or squished in any way. (Which, you've gotten so big at this point that we both are constantly poked, prodded, and squished. I don't think either of us are very comfortable right now. Your Daddy laughs and calls me "Waddles." Some ladies might get mad, but I think it's funny. Plus, say "waddles" a couple times in a row and you'll see what I mean.) I know that we haven't "officially" met, but I feel like I know you a little already... like we've been really weird pen pals.

Your Daddy and I have enjoyed watching you wiggle and squirm around in my belly. (Which by the way, you TO THIS DAY have refused to allow pretty much anyone else to see! Maybe it means you'll be well behaved in public - and save your wild and crazy antics for home? haha. Either way, it makes us feel a little special... like you like and trust us the most. Maybe it's because we're the only ones that call you by your name. [Totally great decision. We've enjoyed our little secret, but I know we probably won't be able to keep any brothers or sister's names secret since you might spill the beans.]) You love your Daddy's voice and when he rubs my belly. You seem to like Freeze Pops as much as your Daddy and Chocolate as much as I do. (You always get so squirmy - in a happy way.)

You're a great listener... and you seem to be sympathetic. All of these extra hormones have made me a little extra weepy - and a whole lot extra angry and aggressive. Some days when I'm sad, the way that you wiggle and roll around feels like you're trying to tell me "It's okay, Mommy." When I'm angry you have two different reactions - depending on the level of angry. Some times you're really, really still... and sometimes you get your mad wiggles on. (I can totally tell the difference in your happy and mad wiggles. I tell people that you can be a crabby baby at times. They laugh, but I mean it. I just think that you're a whole lot like your Daddy. Not that he's crabby, it's just the same things that appear to bother you are the things that he doesn't like either.)

I sing to you a lot. I'm rather bad at it. I don't sing you any nursery rhyme type songs... I just sing songs I would normally like and would sing. Which, I informed your Father that I was going to accidentally give you a complex because of it. Pretty much, you hear an awful lot of hymns, smoking-drinking-she-done-left-me songs, 80's-90's light rock, and Christmas songs. (I'm fairly sure that you're going to think that "Pretty Paper" is a lullaby. I don't know why I picked that one to sing to you the most, but I do. It chills us both out.) But that's okay, because the first song your Daddy played you was "Gangsta's Paradise." (And he sings C.C.R. to you regularly.)
On the bright side... you should be considered well-rounded when it comes to your music.

I wish you could see how excited your Daddy is... he's so funny. He's been impatiently waiting for you to finish "cooking." Now that we're full term... shoot, your Daddy doesn't even get this excited about Christmas. I'm going to have to beat him over the head just so I can hold you once you're born.
He's even got your "Loaferin'" clothes picked out for your Saturday morning breakfast and nose-around-town-drives. (Which, we have gotten very used to going to the Bantam Chef and eating French Toast every Saturday morning... I think the people at the Bantam Chef are looking forward to seeing you tag along for some, too.)
Lately he's been trying to figure out how he's going to wrap you up in the blanket with him so the two of you can watch TV and nap together. I told him that I would just have to come in and swaddle you both up - I'd just have to push the buttons on the remote control of y'all. (He seems to be all for that idea.)

(Note: One day, you're going to be all grown up, get married, and have babies. Make sure you find a man like your Daddy. Make sure that he's excited and as good to you as your Daddy has been to me. Believe me, I have been a booger - and the man has been a saint. I love your Daddy more every day and I don't know what I would have done without him.)

We've prayed for you so much. We understand how big of a gift you are - and we pray that we raise you up to be a God-fearing, kind, loving, and happy woman... and that we don't mess you up too terribly bad.

(I also hope you're durable... I fear the "George of the Jungle" scenarios that run through my mind.)


Our bags are all packed and by the door.
Your grandparents are all waiting by the phones.
We're just waiting on you and God to decide when to let us know your birth day.

Your Daddy and I cannot wait to hold you and shower your with hugs and kisses.

Can't wait to see you!
Love,
Mommy.

TERM

 

 

How Far Along? 37 weeks and 1 day. We are now officially Full Term! (Okay Baby... it's time to come out now!)

Baby Size: Eh, we're supposed to be around a watermelon.

Total Weight Gain: I went to the doctor on Wednesday and I haven't gained any since my last appointment. Did lose a couple of ounces though.

Maternity Clothes: I just try to find things that cover my belly. I personally don't think that the belly hanging out the bottom of a shirt is super attractive. I feel like I'm enough like a old man with a beer gut as it is... don't think I need to make matters worse. haha.

Stretch Marks: Yeah... but oh well. My husband still thinks I'm pretty.

Best moment this week: My doctors appointment. I also really enjoyed my foot massage on Friday. (Ben really does a great job. Heck, I might see about getting another one today.)

Miss Anything? We're just looking forward.

Movement: I thought that maybe she had dropped, but now I'm not sure??? Some of her movements hurt. I told Ben she's gone from Ninja baby to Sumo Wrestler child.

Food Cravings: I'm hungry, but I don't know what I want to eat.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Eating, apparently? The last couple of days I have felt sick after eating. Bleh.

Started to show yet? I don't really think I have to answer this question by now. I'm hoping most people have figured things out.

Gender: Girl!

Belly Button in or out? Out.

Wedding Rings on or off? Off. I try to change this daily, but I fear I'm fighting a losing battle. I just really hope they fit again after she's born.

Weird Pregnancy Stuff? Again, lately I'm not feeling too well in the belly department. I can't decide if I'm tired or not. I woke up this morning and I am beyond the normal amount of cranky... and weepy. I really want her to come out already - but I'm scared for her to come out too soon. But I really, really don't want  her to stay in there much longer. Biggest thing I'm dealing with currently is that I have gotten it stuck in my head that she's coming soon and when I remember that I could very well be pregnant for another 3 weeks, I really want to cry. Ben and I have tried pretty much everything, but I'm still holding out on the castor-oil. It seems that none of it seems to be working. :(

Looking forward to: Holding my little baby.

Birth Date Guess? Okay, so this is new but Ben and I decided we would put in our official guesses.

My guess: The weekend of October 12th weighing in at 6lbs 8oz.

Ben's guess: October 28th weighing in at 7lbs 5oz.

Feel free to throw your guesses into the pot!

 

(I'm now really, really hoping that we're both wrong on the dates.)



Doctors Visit

Okay, as usual... here's a quick run-down on our visit to the doctor.
(Which will be weekly now!)

Peed in a cup.
(Was told that I am NOT drinking enough fluids.)
Took my blood pressure.
(It was great.)
Stepped on the scale. I actually LOST a teeny-weeny-itsy-bitsy bit of weight!
(Which is totally strange because I've been eating us out of house and home.)
Got a shot or some sort of blood drawn.
(I was REALLY trying not to pay attention to this part since I really don't like needles.)
They took me back to an exam room and I had to get undressed.
I told the doc about those strange contractions.
They checked for Baby's heart beat. It was between 140-150 range.
(She's doing good!)
They did some sort of Strep B test. (? I think that's what it's called?)
(It wasn't long or painful.)
Then they checked me. Which made me kind of scared because I have heard that it hurts. Plus, they tell you that "You're going to feel a lot of pressure." Which is doctor speak for: "This is really, really going to hurt."
It didn't hurt though.
AND
Found out that I'm 1cm dilated and 75% effaced.

We asked the doc if she could make a guess as to how long we had left. She wouldn't make a guess, but said that everything was going great  - and if I'm reading into things correctly, (and I'm pretty sure I am from something else I heard.) we could, but they do NOT expect us to make it to our October 26th due date. In fact, maybe it's a good thing I've had this weird sense of urgency to get all of my ducks in a row.
(But I'm trying really, really hard not to get my hopes up!)

Now, if only this whole "nesting" thing will kick in...

Let the baby watch begin!!

36 weeks

 

 

How Far Along? 36 weeks and 1 day

Baby Size:  Apparently a mess of collard greens? Or maybe a watermelon? Either way, this little chica has definitely done some growing. 

Total Weight Gain: Judging by my eating habits the last couple of weeks, I would say that we have definitely passed the 35lb mark.

Maternity Clothes: Even some of those don't fit any more.

Stretch Marks: I'm still finding them. My $42 dollar cream lied to me. Blessedly, they're still small and light... and to be honest, they bother me, but not as much any more. (Now that I've said that, I'm sure I'll wake up with a huge one right down the middle of my stomach tomorrow morning and cry my eyes out.)

Best moment this week: Realizing how close we really are. I would also classify this as the worst moment too... because the last minute panic has really started to set in.

Miss Anything? Range of movement. Ache-less body parts. My sanity is still a big thing. Cold deli meat. (Subway Ham Sandwiches), Oysters, Medium-Well Steaks, Wearing my rings.

Movement: She's a lot slower now-a-days. I think my child is all elbows and knees. You know when you were little and you and your sister would take your elbows and slowly dig them into each other's ribs? (But then again, that could have just been me and Katie...) Well, occasionally it feels like that... except from the inside... from a very weak, very tiny person.

Food Cravings: Kemps Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Frozen Yogurt. I went to two different BI-LO's to find it - and then bought two of those suckers. Chocolate chip cookies and milk aren't a bad combination either. Ben surprised me on Thursday night with a pack of Chips Ahoy. By 6:30AM Friday morning, I had 5 cookies left.

Anything making you queasy or sick: All of the things I have left to do.

Started to show yet?  Comments come on a regular basis. People can't decide if I look like she could come any day or if I'm super tiny for how far along I am.

Gender: Girl!

Belly Button in or out? Out.

Wedding Rings on or off? Off. I try to change this daily, but I fear I'm fighting a losing battle. I just really hope they fit again after she's born.

Weird Pregnancy Stuff? 

- Those giant bouncy-balls are my friend. (In fact, I'm sitting, rocking, and rolling as I type this.) It really does help with some of the back/hip pain. Plus, I hear it will help her to drop. She's still piled up under my ribs... which apparently I haven't been helping with much since I keep my legs crossed all of the time.

- The big thing this week came Thursday. I guess I've been living in a fantasy land where unicorns, butterflies, and time abound. While I hadn't felt 100% all day, I just figured I had over-done it on Wednesday. (I had felt really good and gotten a lot accomplished at work.) When I got back to work from lunch I started having noticeable Braxton Hicks. But these made me start timing them. They were coming at 10 minute intervals and they did NOT feel like my normal contractions. Normally, my belly will get hard and I'll be crampy in my lower belly. These started with some bad back pain, made my whole belly hard, made my whole belly hurt, and there was some weird pressure going on... like she was trying to stick her feet out of certain places that normally people only threaten to put feet up. This kept up for over 3 hours. I'm supposed to call my doc once I start having 4-5 regular contractions an hour. I didn't call the doc. I knew they would tell me to come in and I was afraid that if I went in, it would be real labor and I wasn't ready! I didn't have her bags packed, the house was a mess, and nothing was put together at work! So, I started downing water and kept working. (I know, great logic... ignore it and it'll go away.) Thank Jesus, they started easing off once I got home. But now I'm freaking out... and realizing how stupid I was because "I thought I had time." She may be in there till November, but heck, even that will come quickly!

- MAH CHILD KEEPS GETTIN' ON MY NERVES. Like, literally. She's found this one nerve... and apparently it's REALLY comfortable to lay on. Unfortunately, it shoots pain straight down my left butt-cheek and leg, and it's followed by a strange numbing sensation. I tried to push her over this morning and she totally punched me.

- She apparently likes music. (She seems to enjoy Garth Brooks.) I will turn my music on and she'll move over closer to the speakers. If I move the speakers, she follows them.

- I really want Ben to give me a foot massage. I'm afraid though, because apparently there are a lot of pressure points in your feet that will send you into labor - which I absolutely do not need to start until after Thursday.

- I'm hungry almost all of the time.

- I'm super weepy and all kinds of things make me cry.

- I get tired easily.

Looking forward to:  A clean house. Getting my stuff at work finished and organized. My doctors appointment Wednesday! Holding my little baby!! 

Birth Date Guess? Okay, so this is new but Ben and I decided we would put in our official guesses.

My guess: The weekend of October 12th weighing in at 6lbs 8oz.

Ben's guess: October 28th weighing in at 7lbs 5oz.

Feel free to throw your guesses into the pot!

 

 

Okay, so this morning, I had a mom friend send me a link to this blog. I cannot tell you how much I needed to read it.

I absolutely had to pass it along! I can't help but think that maybe there is someone else who needs it as much as I did. :)

 

 

The day we found out about you.

Okay, little girl...

I have wanted to write this story down for a long time. I just knew that I wouldn't be able to do it justice no matter how hard I tried. But, since tomorrow is exactly one month until your due date - I figured there would be no better time!

(Disclaimer for everyone else: Please excuse my frequent referral and use of the word "Pee.")

First, I would like to tell you that your Daddy and I have been wanting and dreaming about you for a very long time! We have been talking about kids practically since our first date! But we had agreed that we would need to wait a little while. Once we got married, we knew that we would need some time alone - to enjoy being just us and work out all the kinks of learning how the whole "being married" thing works. We also had a list that we had made of things that we wanted to do/needed to take care of before we could bring any little baby C's into the world.

Towards the end of last year, that list was getting shorter and shorter... and you were coming up in our thoughts and conversations more and more...

Fast Forward:

It was February, and I was struggling through what seemed to be the longest two weeks of my life.
Your Daddy seemed to be handling it much more patiently than I was.

I was distracted. (Ever heard of Google? It was my friend. I knew every pregnancy symptom out there - even the weird, rare ones.)
I was weepy. (I think your Daddy knew I was pregnant the night that I started crying while cooking dinner because I just KNEW that we weren't pregnant and we were going to have to wait FOREVER to try again! He was a wonderful man and just laughed, hugged me, and told me that it would all be alright.)
I had heartburn and I was burping all of the time. (I burped on a customer when I answered the phone at work. I forgot that I wasn't alone and burped REALLY loud one afternoon... only to remember that one of the guys was working in his office. He was a champ. Told me he didn't hear anything. Guessing by the way he was laughing that he was lying, though.)
AND I was fighting a cold that I just couldn't shake.

Friday, February 15th, I went to the NC Cattleman's Meeting.

I had a lot of fun. It was a great distraction.

Only time my mind wandered to crazy-am-I-pregnant-or-not land, was when I got a little dizzy after I had stood up for a while talking to one of our customers.

... and maybe the fact that I made myself "hold it" for about 7 hours just so that I might be able to take a test when I got home.

Which, by the way, totally happened.

I got home and showed your Daddy all of the cool stuff and knowledge that I had acquired. I then told him that while I knew that it was still a couple of days early, and I knew that I was just probably wasting a test, I REALLY thought that I should go pee on a stick.
So I did.
And...

 

I was disappointed. I still made your Daddy look too, but he agreed that he didn't see anything. He told me that it was still early, and that if we weren't pregnant that it would be okay and we could try again in a couple of months.

Your Dad is always so logical and patient.

Sometimes it's annoying.

I didn't like that answer.

I went back in the bathroom to sit on the edge of the tub by that stupid pee-stick and sulk.

Maybe it was defective.

Maybe it was slow.

Stupid pee-stick.

Maybe I should look again... you know, just in case.

 

That's when I saw it.

 

Granted, Ben did NOT believe me. He said that he didn't see anything. I mean, dang, I had to angle it just right in the light, but I still saw a line!

 

So I took a picture and photo-edited the crap out of that thing. He HAD to admit that he saw a line now.

 

 

He STILL said he didn't see anything!

Besides, he wasn't going to get his hopes up... and he wasn't going to believe anything until he had some SOLID evidence.

 

Fine. Solid evidence, you say?

 

I'll find you some solid evidence. We'll go to Wal-Mart and buy those expensive, fancy-schmancy pee-sticks that actually say "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant." (I hated those kind. Nothing scarier or more hope crushing than those.)

 

We even bought the five pack.

 

Unfortunately, I was all peed out and I was going to have to wait until morning.

 

4AM:

I stumble to the bathroom in the dark. (I wasn't loosing a prime opportunity!)

I manage to use the stick.

I wait.

Nothing.

No "Pregnant."

No "Not Pregnant."

No little hour-glass.

Not even an "Error."

 

Fine. It's early anyway. I'll wait until I'm more awake.

 

6:30AM

I get up.

I use my test.

Same deal.

Nothing.

By this time, I am MAD.

I paid $18 for a defective box!! I wanted to know early! By the time I go through all of these, I could have found out by those cheap sticks!

 

8AM

Your Daddy wakes up. I'm still pouting, so I tell him about it. He agrees that it's total booty. I ask him what I should do. It is agreed that I should call the company. Unfortunately, it's 8AM on a Saturday - and the company is some place like Switzerland. AKA: I got a recording.

 

I was even madder. I told your Daddy that I was going to use a stinking cup and do this the long way - and if it STILL didn't work, I was going to take all of those tests - peed on or not - back to Wal-Mart and demanding a refund!

 

This was made awkward by the fact that the only plastic or paper cups that we had were these giant 32oz cups your Daddy had gotten from his old job. But I was mad, so it was GOING to work.

I followed the directions exactly as they read

 

... and the test started blinking.

 

Suddenly, I was scared.

I wasn't sure what I wanted it to say.

I realized that this was a really big moment.

I closed my eyes.

I prayed.

I knew if it said "Pregnant" then our whole lives would change - and change can be scary.

But I was more scared of it saying "Not Pregnant."

 

Ready for the "Not," I opened one eye...

 

 



 

I was shocked.

All I could manage to say:

 

"Beeeeeeeeeeennnnnn!!!!"

 

Your Daddy told me he knew as soon as he heard my voice. He came running into the bathroom. I showed him. I have never seen anyone as happy and excited as he was right then. He hugged me and swung me around in a circle. (We only tried that once since our bathroom was too messy and we might trip - and we couldn't be having the pregnant lady face-planting.)

We had to go shopping that day, and your Daddy was the one that suggested that we go to Babies R Us and look around. He was so funny. He told strangers, cashiers, etc. But he always started it by looking around to make sure no one else heard...
I told him he scared the poor little girl at Babies R Us. Poor girl couldn't have been much older than 16. She asked if we needed any help. I told her: "No thank you, we're just looking." Your Daddy looks around both ways, leans in and says very seriously: "Hey, you can't tell anyone - but we just found out we're going to have a baby."
Her eyes got HUGE - and all she said was "Oh Dang." and she just turned around and walked away rather quickly...
He is such a nut. I couldn't help but laugh. But we laughed a lot that day.

That day, it snowed.

The month before, I had kinda hoped that just maybe...

Well, I was praying and I told God that I would know that I was pregnant if it snowed.

(I kind of cheated, because they were calling for snow.)

The next morning, it didn't snow. It didn't even rain. Wasn't cloudy. Above average temperatures.

The morning we found out, they weren't calling for snow. But when we opened the door that morning, the world was covered... and it was falling in the biggest, fattest, white flakes I had ever seen.

And that's part of the reason why I occasionally refer to you as my snow baby.

Love,
Mommy.

35 weeks

 

How Far Along? 35 weeks and 1 day

Baby Size:  Supposedly, she's now pretty much the length she will be at birth. (Feels like a shorty.) And somewhere around 5 - 6lbs

Total Weight Gain: Around 34+lbs

Maternity Clothes: I don't like them. I really don't like clothes. I hate getting dressed every day. I swear I think that wearing pants makes my Braxton Hicks worse. Plus, it hurts to lift my legs. I have been making good use of dresses.

Stretch Marks: I'm finding more daily. BUT they are little and not very noticeable... although, I will say that they have popped up in some unexpected places. Everyone within a 2 mile radius should be able to tell every time I find another one... The random "WHAT THE HECK?!"'s coming from the bathroom are a giveaway.

Best moment this week: Getting things accomplished yesterday.

Miss Anything? Sleep. My Sanity. I was in Babies R Us last night picking out her diaper bag, and I set my phone and other purchases down and just walked off.

Movement: I totally got to see her move in the mirror! I mean, I see her move all of the time, but it's more from a looking down angle. It's totally different seeing her move around in there from at straight on perspective. It's also weird because now I can very much tell what's butt/back/head from feet and hands. Her feet crack me up.

Food Cravings:  Still loving the cold and sweet stuff!

Anything making you queasy or sick: The headache I have right now! :( 

Started to show yet? Yep!

Gender: Girl!

Belly Button in or out? Out.

Wedding Rings on or off? Off. I got my rings back from the jeweler and they were so pretty and shiny! Tight or not, I was determined to shove them on my finger. I got them on, but within 20 minutes they were back off. :(

Weird Pregnancy Stuff? 

- I think I've got her pediatrician picked out. It was super awkward being the only adult in the waiting room without a child, but the doctor was so nice! He reminded me of my pediatrician, Dr. Shelley, he just wasn't too tall to fit in the doorway. Plus, he explained how everything would go in the hospital too... which made me feel so much more at ease.

- While I was picking out my diaper bag last night, I was stopped by a random lady who gave me advice about diaper bags. She was super nice - but it was kind of awkward.

- I'm slightly in panic mode. I am running out of time and I have so much to do. I want my house to be perfect for her! I want to make sure that everything at work is in order and well taken care of while I'm gone. I hope I don't loose it too badly within the next couple of weeks.

- I have found that I "rock" her. That's right. I find myself holding my belly and swaying side to side at the most random times. Usually in public. At first I was a little embarrassed, but now I just don't care. People can think I'm crazy if they want to do so - whatev.

- The Braxton Hicks are kicking it up a notch. Some of these legitimately hurt! I mean, it's still nothing I would call my doctor about, but it's definitely something I've noticed.

- By afternoon, I'm not worth a crap. I get so tired now. Plus my feet and legs swell. I feel like I have tree trunks for legs and boulders for feet. haha.

- I keep getting super excited when I open my pregnancy apps. I know have buttons to push so that my apps can change as soon as I have my baby!

- I bought one of those maternity support belts. It looks crazy and it makes a crunchy noise at times, but I feel so much better! I'm sad that I didn't buy one sooner.

- This afternoon I'll be packing her diaper bag and our hospital bag. I'm a little excited.

- We set up our co-sleeper yesterday. It's super nice and its so strange to walk in there and see it. It's all getting so real!

Looking forward to: My next doctors appointment - it sounds like it's going to be a biggie! :) Working on her room this afternoon. Holding my baby. The day the doctor tells me to seriously get ready because she's coming soooon!

Birth Date Guess? Okay, so this is new but Ben and I decided we would put in our official guesses.

My guess: The weekend of October 12th weighing in at 6lbs 8oz.

Ben's guess: October 28th weighing in at 7lbs 5oz.

Feel free to throw your guesses into the pot!

 

 

OH! and just for fun:

 

The picture on the left is from 5 weeks along... and the right is this weeks' picture. Same dress.

 

 

Super Fast Doctors Appointment Update

Okay, so... this will be really fast!

Went to the doctors office.
They weighed me. (I gained 4lbs in 2 weeks! According to all of the books, apps, etc. the suggested max that I should gain is 35 lbs. Well, I've got 5 weeks left and 1lb to go. ): )
They took my blood pressure. (It was good. Apparently I was just REALLY ticked off the last couple of weeks.)
I peed in a cup.
I met with the doc.
She felt the baby, and then used the little Doppler thingy to get her heartbeat. (Baby was sleepy, but woke up and totally ran away when that cold thing touched my belly. Heartbeat was in the 130's)
She told me that all of the symptoms that I'm currently having are totally normal and nothing to worry about. She also said that I'm pretty much only going to feel like poo-poo from here on out... but that's because we're in the home stretch... and just to take it easy and day by day.

But baby is doing awesome!

AND

....Drum Roll....

Dearest husband asked when we would be in the "safe zone" AKA where she would be okay if I were to go into labor. She reassured us that while they would like to see me make it at least a couple more weeks, they would not stop her from coming if she decided to make her appearance from here on out!


WHOA.

That'll blow your mind, won't it?

34 weeks

 

 

How Far Along? 34 weeks and 3 days

Baby Size:  Supposedly, she's now pretty much the length she will be at birth. (Feels like a shorty.) And somewhere around 5lbs

Total Weight Gain: Okay, so I totally lied by accident last week... I don't think I changed this and I'm like 30+ lbs up.

Maternity Clothes: I don't like them. I really don't like clothes. I hate getting dressed every day. I swear I think that wearing pants makes my Braxton Hicks worse. Plus, it hurts to lift my legs. I have been making good use of dresses.

Stretch Marks: I'm finding more daily. BUT they are little and not very noticeable. I also went and did the unthinkable - I bought the $42 bottle of Mustella. I totally get why ladies love this stuff! It feels awesome and makes my skin feel silky.

Best moment this week: Getting to spend some time with my sister this weekend.

Miss Anything? Sleep. (Please don't tell me that I should enjoy what I'm getting now. It really doesn't help.) My hips hurt so bad that it wakes me from a dead-to-the-world type sleep... it makes me want to cry and yell. :(

Movement: Her movements are definitely different. There isn't a lot of quick jabs... more like slow rolls.

Food Cravings:  Still loving the cold and sweet stuff!

Anything making you queasy or sick: The smell of the chicken Ben cooked over the weekend.

Started to show yet? It's rather undeniable at this point!

Gender: Girl!

Belly Button in or out? Out.

Wedding Rings on or off? I'm sad to say this, but they are now off. Last week I was wearing them on a necklace and now they're off getting cleaned.

Weird Pregnancy Stuff? 

- My hips hurt.

- My face can't decide if it's going to break out or not...

- I get overheated.

- I'm thirsty.

- My fingers, legs, and feet swell.

- My blood pressure apparently can't decide what it's doing.

- Braxton Hicks are getting stronger... and I'm getting these familiar cramps. Kinda feels like my old friend's calling card... but not?

- Backaches

- Tired and pre-occupied. I'm seriously not worth a toot at work. It's a constant fight to stay on track with anything that I need/am trying to do.

- My emotions, fears, excitement, worries, etc... they are ALL over the map.

Looking forward to: My doctors appointment tomorrow. Sleeping in this weekend. Holding my baby. The day the doctor tells me to seriously get ready because she's coming soooon!

Birth Date Guess? Okay, so this is new but Ben and I decided we would put in our official guesses.

My guess: The weekend of October 12th weighing in at 6lbs 8oz.

Ben's guess: October 28th weighing in at 7lbs 5oz.

Feel free to throw your guesses into the pot!

Dear Future Me:

I just wanted to take a moment and fill you in. (I wanted to make sure that I could have a nice  memory so that when I look back through these I wont always be like "Oh my gosh... ALL I DID WAS WHINE.")
TODAY has been a great day.
My pain has been manageable. (Though my blood pressure is still iffy. Maybe it's my blood pressure reading abilities that are iffy, though...)
I have been crazy productive. (I HAD ALMOST EVERYTHING ON MY MASSIVE TO-DO LIST CROSSED OFF!)
My child is wiggling around in my womb the way that young puppies do when you try to contain them in a box.
I have stalked all of those child bearing women that have gone before me and I have drooled over their babies. (I'm so STINKING EXCITED RIGHT NOW - I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY CHUB TO ARRIVE! I will hug her and kiss her and call her "George." ... Well, maybe not George...)
While for a few moments I felt like the little 98 year old man who used to be in charge, still wants to help, but really just gets in the way (FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE - I KNOW HOW THE MAN FEELS - LET HIM HELP!) - for the most part, I felt needed again today!
People wanted to talk to ME. (About other things than my belly or my impending labor. It was so nice to have ONE day where I did not hear "Just wait..." or "You must be miserable." or "What is it?" etc, etc.)
There were things that I needed to do.
I may be slow. I may be forgetful. I may waddle like a duck. I may be cranky, grumpy, and aggravating... BUT I WAS NEEDED AND WANTED. I felt USEFUL. I felt IMPORTANT again. It's amazing what those feelings can do for you.
I also got more free stuff in the mail. It's really cool that these companies send you free stuff for your baby. It's a surprise every time I open the mailbox!

All I was missing was some up-beat 1980's getting-crap-done music.

See? I'm not always a Negative Nancy.


Love,

Me.

33 weeks

 

 

How Far Along? 33 weeks and 1 day. Forgive the above picture... it was early, we were in a hurry, her nursery is in the middle of being moved around, and I was in a lot of pain. :(

Baby Size: Somewhere around 16-19 inches long and according to the ultrasound we had on Wednesday, she's approximately 4.4lbs. 

Total Weight Gain: 23-25lbs. I was a little disappointed in the scale at the doctors... I thought that it would be nicer to me. We're supposed to be gaining about a pound a week... I had packed on 3 in 2 weeks. They haven't said anything to me about it going too fast or too slow though...

Maternity Clothes: Can I just live in PJ's? Or better yet... how about joining a nudist colony?

Stretch Marks: A few small ones on the side of my hips and on my baby feeders. Still nothing on my belly. I know they're nothing to be ashamed of, but I really, really don't want to have them... :(

Best moment this week: Putting her crib up!

Miss Anything? Not feeling like a 94 year old lady/Pirate when I walk...

Movement: She's still going at it. At least we know she's head down now. She's in (or at least on Wednesday she was) in prime position! Still hasn't dropped though, but we've still got a few weeks yet. (It's okay for me to say it - but I really want to strangle people who remind me that I still have a ways to go.)

Food Cravings:  Ice Water, Iced Sweet Tea, Ice Cream (Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Frozen Yogurt is currently the fav.), Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not eating, being stressed, not enough sleep, and over-doing the whole physical activity thing.

Started to show yet? Yep.

Gender: Girl!!! The ultrasound tech double checked!

Belly Button in or out? Out. I don't even pay it any attention any more.

Wedding Rings on or off? On, but they come off frequently. I've having a fair amount of swelling going on lately.

Weird Pregnancy Stuff? 

- This HORRIBLE Hip/Joint Pain! It's like my hips have completely separated from any and every way they could separate. From what I've googled, (which you're never, ever supposed to do...) it sounds like my body may have gone a little overboard with the relaxin stuff. Either way, I walk like a pirate and moving makes me want to cry. I took a warm shower this morning  - and it helped a little, but Ben had to help me put my clothes on. My hips hurt so badly that I started crying when I tried to put my underpants on. (TMI? Probably. Sorry about that...)

- I'm exhausted.

- I made Ben move his plate last night at dinner. The ketchup that he put on his hashbrowns was the stinkiest ketchup I have ever smelled in my LIFE.

- I'm extra emotional.

- Some days, I feel like I belong in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I feel as if I swell up as big as Garfield.

- Ben and I went to our five hour birth class on Saturday. Stupidiest thing I could have EVER done. (Especially since I'm the queasy girl that passed at on the blood mobile while filling out the beginning paperwork.) I was well aware of what happens but not one time had I been scared at the thought of labor and delivery... until now. They showed us these videos that were like from the 80s. The people in them were not exactly movie star quality. (I'll spare you my husband's comments.) And that midwife was creepy... and there were so many naked people... and random body parts... and blood... and needles... and all of those ladies made the weirdest moan-y delirious-fever noises... And just because that lady wanted a mirror so that she could see her baby come out, DID NOT MEAN THAT I WANTED TO SEE HER BABY COME OUT. YOU CANNOT UN-SEE THIS STUFF PEOPLE! Around hour #4, I started feeling strange... I was hot, and my head started hurting. Then I realized what was wrong: I was about to toss my cookies and I was speeding along on a one-way train to pass-out town. I told Ben I didn't feel well and I booked it out of the room. (I apparently had good timing though, they talked about episiotomies while I was down the hall.) Then I got to see the labor and delivery rooms... which are really nice - but still very hospital-ly. When we left, I didn't say much till the parking garage and then I started crying. (And when I say crying, I mean sobbing uncontrollably... to the point where I was having trouble breathing.) I have a wonderful husband. He told me that class was stupid and those people were dramatic and ours was going to be much better than all of that - all while he hugged me and rubbed my hair.

- Saturday evening, I had a baby shower! I had lots of wonderful people there and Baby got lots of wonderful presents!

Looking forward to: Going to bed tonight. Holding my baby. ...and I'm kind of anxious to get this whole deliver the baby thing out of the way now for so many more reasons than one.

Birth Date Guess? Okay, so this is new but Ben and I decided we would put in our official guesses.

My guess: The weekend of October 12th weighing in at 6lbs 8oz.

Ben's guess: October 28th weighing in at 7lbs 5oz.

Feel free to throw your guesses into the pot!

 

Doctor's Appointment update

Last ultrasound before baby comes!


Note to anyone who finds ultrasounds creepy:  Due to an overwhelming amount of inquiries, pictures are attached. So... don't scroll too far down.

Also note to anyone who dares to look and feels the need to say something negative about my baby: Keep it to yourself. If I hear it - or hear about it, I WILL beat the poop out of you. My baby is beautiful even if you are too blind to see it.

I can honestly not fully describe this appointment... so many things came into play today. But I'm going to keep this strictly focused on Baby C

Appointment went as follows:

- Sign in.
- Watch a little bit of Dr. Phil.
- Talk Ben's ears off.
- Pee in a cup.
- Pricked my finger to check my iron
- Take my blood pressure. (I can't remember exactly but it was like 145-8-ish over 85-ish.)
- Stand on the scale (after I take my shoes off, of course.) I now weigh 28 pounds heavier than I did the beginning on January.
- Check out my pre-registration packet for the hospital (Super cool btw...)
- Talk Ben's ears off.
- Realize how blessed we are... and pray for those who we're having a much worse Wednesday than I can explain.
- Start the ultrasound.
- The child has not yet had an ultrasound where she didn't start out with her hands in her face.
- The Ultrasound Technician confirmed that we are having a GIRL. (No boy parts in sight! I can wash her things and finish setting up the nursery!)
- Watched baby moving her mouth and sucking in amniotic fluid. (Weirdest thing ever! Looked like she was trying to talk to us! She's very efficient at the whole thing. I can also see why she always has hiccups.)
- Due to an emergency, (not on our part - everything is okay for the little Cabiness family.) my usual doctor (normally they do rotation for pregnant patients - and I got to see her last time.) came in and met with us in the ultrasound room.
- Double checked my blood pressure. (It had lowered.)
- Talked about swelling and such (Ben was better at paying attention than I was - I kept getting distracted by the baby.)
- Baby still looks good.
- Found out Baby does have a decent amount of hair! (Maybe there is something to the whole heartburn thing...)
- Found out that baby is currently locked and loaded in the head down position. (So that lump that's always up in my ribcage/squishing my lungs is totally her buttocks.)
- Baby would NOT cooperate to let us get any fantastic pictures of her face. (But I'm thinking she has her Daddy's nose and mouth. She also has very pretty shaped eyes... and what appears to be a "big ol' head.")
- Baby is weighing in at approximately 4lbs and 4oz! They expect her to gain up to 1/2 lb a week the last four weeks and we have about 4 weeks on top of that...
- Everything looked great so we checked out. Next visit is in two weeks!!

Profile view (She had her face smooshed up against the top of my uterus.)

Front view (It's not really clear but she turned just enough you can make out her little eyes and nose.)

The hardest part of pregnancy

Warning: this is kind of ramble-y and may only make sense to me... but I'm kind of using my blog as my pregnancy diary, so bear with me.

I have read article after article about how pregnancy makes these celebrity women (and some normal women) feel extremely feminine, strong, empowered, etc. Some women find enjoyment in "milking it" and having help... and some women become the kind, motherly type to everyone.

I do not, and have not, felt this way at all.

Don't get me wrong, pregnancy has it's perks. I love my little baby more than I could ever express. I love watching her roll and squirm around. I love just sitting in her room and dreaming of what it will be like in just a few short weeks. I stare at her ultrasound pictures and wonder what she'll look like. I cannot express how crazy in love I am with this little girl... and I pray that I am blessed to have more children down the road.
But at no point in my life have I ever felt more weak, more fearful, more vulnerable, and more insecure. I'm always second guessing... always thinking twice.

Before, if I couldn't find help, I'd just do it myself.
50lb bags of feed or a 40lb box that needs to be moved?
Before: So what?
Now: What if I hurt myself or my baby? What if I do something and have to be put on bed rest? I need to work - not only for the money but for my own sanity!

Dangerous Medicines?
Before: No problem.
Now: Just one drop of this touching me could kill her... and I would never forgive myself... better call and wait for help.

The chance that someone could hit me?
Before: Go ahead. I'll hit you back.
Now: What if they hit my baby?

Petting a cat?
Before: What's wrong with that?
Now: I don't know where this cat has been... what if it's covered in poop? (Aka, cat poo can carry a toxin that can cause deformities or miscarriages.)

Drinking this or eating that?
Before: No second thoughts in mind.
Now: Is this safe to eat? Would it hurt her? Would I be willing to trade my child's life for a sandwich?!?!

Leading a couple of horses through the pasture?
Before: IF I get kicked or stepped on, it'll hurt but it'll heal. No biggie.
Now: Protective amniotic fluid vs a 1500lb animal... you do the math.


The "Now" thoughts started kicking in at about 7 weeks into pregnancy, and I started having trouble living out all of the things that Jesus and Momma taught me so patiently through the years. (You know... patience, kindness, gentleness, etc.)
I realized that I wouldn't be able to do many of the things I did before... that I needed people. I needed help. I couldn't do it all on my own even if I wanted to do so. I realized my body was no longer my own and that what wouldn't necessarily hurt me, could hurt her.

My doctor warned me that pregnancy could make me tad more aggressive. I didn't understand at the time, but now I do. The best way that I can explain it is like this:
They say that having a baby is like wearing your heart on the outside. Well, currently, my heart is a visible bulge right around my belly button... and it's one of the scariest things I have ever experienced. It's like wearing your weak spot where everyone can see. (Believe me, people become scarier when you have to trust that no one will use that to their advantage. I don't know about you, but I've studied my history, and I've learned enough to know that there is a reason Jesus came to save us... we aren't naturally good. We're naturally selfish, butt-headed, meanie-pants.)

Teddy Roosevelt said to speak softly and carry a big stick. Before, I figured if I needed to, I could beat the dookie out of someone. (Or at the very least get enough licks in so that they could see that I meant business.) But, once pregnant, my "Big Stick" became my husband. When he is around, he takes the lead and I am not ashamed to say that I hide behind him more often than not. (You have no idea how much I thank Jesus daily for that man.) I can cry on him, I can have trouble getting up, I can ask him for help, and I know that he isn't going to take poop off of anyone. (Heck, even in my dreams I tell people that if they don't leave me alone I will call my husband on them... and they will regret it!)
BUT I'm not always around my husband. I cannot tote him around like a security blanket/security guard. So, without realizing it, I turned to my old defense mechanism.  I became the lady from the Crabby Road comics. Some days I hear my Papa (Daddy's Daddy.) in my head... and my Grandma (Momma's Mom.) come out of my mouth. (There are some of you who understood that better than others.) (Don't get me wrong, I love my family.) I have perfected the scowl... and I can be down-right mean. (One of the reason's I originally thought I was carrying a male child in my womb... the aggressiveness can be kind of scary some times.)  It's like being 15 again... It takes a lot more prayer to use my filter. I have to be aware of what is about to come out of my mouth, I have to control my breathing to help control my blood pressure, I have to use a rational thought process throughout the day, and I have to choose to see people as Jesus sees them... and how He sees me. (Believe me, I don't see how He puts up with us sometimes... we really can be a bunch of moron's.) It's become a very conscious process.

I thought I was doing so good... but Jesus has used pregnancy to show me just how far I have left to go. I thank Jesus that He is a forgiving God... because Lord knows I'm far from perfect. Bright side: (You know, I've discovered that I say that a lot...) Not a single time in my life have I not learned and grown from stuff like this. And though I don't enjoy it at the time, and I don't always see where it's helping, I understand and appreciate it later. I just hope and pray that what He is trying to teach me sinks in my bull-head.