The day we found out about you.

Okay, little girl...

I have wanted to write this story down for a long time. I just knew that I wouldn't be able to do it justice no matter how hard I tried. But, since tomorrow is exactly one month until your due date - I figured there would be no better time!

(Disclaimer for everyone else: Please excuse my frequent referral and use of the word "Pee.")

First, I would like to tell you that your Daddy and I have been wanting and dreaming about you for a very long time! We have been talking about kids practically since our first date! But we had agreed that we would need to wait a little while. Once we got married, we knew that we would need some time alone - to enjoy being just us and work out all the kinks of learning how the whole "being married" thing works. We also had a list that we had made of things that we wanted to do/needed to take care of before we could bring any little baby C's into the world.

Towards the end of last year, that list was getting shorter and shorter... and you were coming up in our thoughts and conversations more and more...

Fast Forward:

It was February, and I was struggling through what seemed to be the longest two weeks of my life.
Your Daddy seemed to be handling it much more patiently than I was.

I was distracted. (Ever heard of Google? It was my friend. I knew every pregnancy symptom out there - even the weird, rare ones.)
I was weepy. (I think your Daddy knew I was pregnant the night that I started crying while cooking dinner because I just KNEW that we weren't pregnant and we were going to have to wait FOREVER to try again! He was a wonderful man and just laughed, hugged me, and told me that it would all be alright.)
I had heartburn and I was burping all of the time. (I burped on a customer when I answered the phone at work. I forgot that I wasn't alone and burped REALLY loud one afternoon... only to remember that one of the guys was working in his office. He was a champ. Told me he didn't hear anything. Guessing by the way he was laughing that he was lying, though.)
AND I was fighting a cold that I just couldn't shake.

Friday, February 15th, I went to the NC Cattleman's Meeting.

I had a lot of fun. It was a great distraction.

Only time my mind wandered to crazy-am-I-pregnant-or-not land, was when I got a little dizzy after I had stood up for a while talking to one of our customers.

... and maybe the fact that I made myself "hold it" for about 7 hours just so that I might be able to take a test when I got home.

Which, by the way, totally happened.

I got home and showed your Daddy all of the cool stuff and knowledge that I had acquired. I then told him that while I knew that it was still a couple of days early, and I knew that I was just probably wasting a test, I REALLY thought that I should go pee on a stick.
So I did.
And...

 

I was disappointed. I still made your Daddy look too, but he agreed that he didn't see anything. He told me that it was still early, and that if we weren't pregnant that it would be okay and we could try again in a couple of months.

Your Dad is always so logical and patient.

Sometimes it's annoying.

I didn't like that answer.

I went back in the bathroom to sit on the edge of the tub by that stupid pee-stick and sulk.

Maybe it was defective.

Maybe it was slow.

Stupid pee-stick.

Maybe I should look again... you know, just in case.

 

That's when I saw it.

 

Granted, Ben did NOT believe me. He said that he didn't see anything. I mean, dang, I had to angle it just right in the light, but I still saw a line!

 

So I took a picture and photo-edited the crap out of that thing. He HAD to admit that he saw a line now.

 

 

He STILL said he didn't see anything!

Besides, he wasn't going to get his hopes up... and he wasn't going to believe anything until he had some SOLID evidence.

 

Fine. Solid evidence, you say?

 

I'll find you some solid evidence. We'll go to Wal-Mart and buy those expensive, fancy-schmancy pee-sticks that actually say "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant." (I hated those kind. Nothing scarier or more hope crushing than those.)

 

We even bought the five pack.

 

Unfortunately, I was all peed out and I was going to have to wait until morning.

 

4AM:

I stumble to the bathroom in the dark. (I wasn't loosing a prime opportunity!)

I manage to use the stick.

I wait.

Nothing.

No "Pregnant."

No "Not Pregnant."

No little hour-glass.

Not even an "Error."

 

Fine. It's early anyway. I'll wait until I'm more awake.

 

6:30AM

I get up.

I use my test.

Same deal.

Nothing.

By this time, I am MAD.

I paid $18 for a defective box!! I wanted to know early! By the time I go through all of these, I could have found out by those cheap sticks!

 

8AM

Your Daddy wakes up. I'm still pouting, so I tell him about it. He agrees that it's total booty. I ask him what I should do. It is agreed that I should call the company. Unfortunately, it's 8AM on a Saturday - and the company is some place like Switzerland. AKA: I got a recording.

 

I was even madder. I told your Daddy that I was going to use a stinking cup and do this the long way - and if it STILL didn't work, I was going to take all of those tests - peed on or not - back to Wal-Mart and demanding a refund!

 

This was made awkward by the fact that the only plastic or paper cups that we had were these giant 32oz cups your Daddy had gotten from his old job. But I was mad, so it was GOING to work.

I followed the directions exactly as they read

 

... and the test started blinking.

 

Suddenly, I was scared.

I wasn't sure what I wanted it to say.

I realized that this was a really big moment.

I closed my eyes.

I prayed.

I knew if it said "Pregnant" then our whole lives would change - and change can be scary.

But I was more scared of it saying "Not Pregnant."

 

Ready for the "Not," I opened one eye...

 

 



 

I was shocked.

All I could manage to say:

 

"Beeeeeeeeeeennnnnn!!!!"

 

Your Daddy told me he knew as soon as he heard my voice. He came running into the bathroom. I showed him. I have never seen anyone as happy and excited as he was right then. He hugged me and swung me around in a circle. (We only tried that once since our bathroom was too messy and we might trip - and we couldn't be having the pregnant lady face-planting.)

We had to go shopping that day, and your Daddy was the one that suggested that we go to Babies R Us and look around. He was so funny. He told strangers, cashiers, etc. But he always started it by looking around to make sure no one else heard...
I told him he scared the poor little girl at Babies R Us. Poor girl couldn't have been much older than 16. She asked if we needed any help. I told her: "No thank you, we're just looking." Your Daddy looks around both ways, leans in and says very seriously: "Hey, you can't tell anyone - but we just found out we're going to have a baby."
Her eyes got HUGE - and all she said was "Oh Dang." and she just turned around and walked away rather quickly...
He is such a nut. I couldn't help but laugh. But we laughed a lot that day.

That day, it snowed.

The month before, I had kinda hoped that just maybe...

Well, I was praying and I told God that I would know that I was pregnant if it snowed.

(I kind of cheated, because they were calling for snow.)

The next morning, it didn't snow. It didn't even rain. Wasn't cloudy. Above average temperatures.

The morning we found out, they weren't calling for snow. But when we opened the door that morning, the world was covered... and it was falling in the biggest, fattest, white flakes I had ever seen.

And that's part of the reason why I occasionally refer to you as my snow baby.

Love,
Mommy.