So all day yesterday I was working on this post. It's something that comes up every so often and I struggle with from time to time... I felt like I was really supposed to post it since it's something that's pretty relevant in my life as a wife and a woman right now. I just never could seem to get it to be exactly what I wanted to be... and it makes me feel completely ridiculous when I read over it.
Oh well, here goes...
Most women, whether sooner or later, dream of being a "Mommy." If you're like me, you've been dreaming of this since you were old enough to drag around a rag doll. You've played "babies" and can remember a time or two when you stuck a beach ball under your shirt and played "pregnant."
I have wanted a baby since I could barely walk myself. No matter if my dreams had me playing the role of a ballerina, weatherman, firefighter, CIA agent, car thief, or cowgirl - I was always the mommy.
It's all pretty easy to be patient when it comes to wanting a baby when you're a kid and not married. But then you get married - to the most amazing man... who just happens to want children (With you!) and who would be the most amazing father... you start to think about it. You think about what your kids would look like, all the funny things they'd say, all those times that 'little one' would fall asleep in your arms, all the tears you'd wipe away, all the boo-boo's you could magically fix with just a kiss. Suddenly your ovaries and uterus are in overdrive. To make it worse, all of the people you were supposed to be pregnant with - whose kids yours were going to be in class with and call bff's - jump the gun and leave you in the dust.
As you can tell, my current level of "Baby Fever" is rather high - and you can't fight it with logic. Right now, Prince Charming and I are NOT trying to have a baby. As much as I want one, I know that right now would not be the best time for us to have a baby. I want to be able to give my children the best lives possible; we would like to pay off a few bills and save up at least a little money. But you cannot explain any of that to my ovaries. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited for my pregnant friends! I'm happy for them - and I cannot wait to have more babies in my life. I'm just saying that currently, I am a little jealous.
People will try make you feel better or at least make it easier to wait by saying things like: "You don't really want one," "You two need to get to know each other more." or "You need to wait, you have plenty of time!" or the one I hate the most: "You don't know what you're in for." These things don't help or make me feel better.
Problem #1: If you tell me that I don't really want a child, chances are, you already have one. Also, who are you to tell me what I do or do not want?
Problem #2: "We've been together for five years. We weren't like most dating couples - we weren't fake up until the wedding day. Me and my husband have a fantastic marriage that we work on every day. Do not think that you know me, my husband, or my marriage enough to tell us that we need "to get to know each other better." I take this one as a personal insult.
Problem #3: If this statement is true - then why to people complain about time flying and how they got old so fast? It's a dumb statement. Me and my husband aren't 16 anymore. We're are at the normal age that people start having children.
Problem #4: I hate this one the most. I am fully aware of what I'm in for. No, I haven't had children of my own, but I have worked with everyone elses for as long as I can remember. I've done all the stuff that most women don't have to do until they have a child. I can change diapers with speed and ease. I have sat up half the night with a crying child only to have him poop all over me. Potty training? Been there, done that. Temper Tantrums? Ditto. Sick children? Had my share. Nothing comes more naturally to me than babies and children. In fact, one of the hardest things I've had to do? Sending them home to parents who don't love or give them the care they need when I could take them home and they'd be clean, well fed, and loved beyond measure.
Let's meet someone who actually helps:
Meet Hannah. (Keep in mind that I'm paraphrasing.)
As far as all accounts go, there is nothing wrong with this woman's personality. She's a pretty blessed woman. She has a great life and has a husband who adores the mess out of her. But Hannah isn't completely happy; she's got a couple of problems.
1st off, she cannot seem to produce a child for this man who so desperately loves her. As badly as she wants a baby, it's looking like Hannah's body isn't going to work in her favor.
2nd of all, she has to share this man with another woman. Worse than that? This woman is a real "fertile myrtle." Even worse than that? Dear old Myrtle is constantly rubbing it in her face out of spite.
Every year, the whole family would head up to the church to give offerings and worship. One particular year, Myrtle (by the way, her name wasn't really Myrtle, it was Peninnah.) really gave Hannah a hard time. The hubs tries to console her and asks her "am I not as good as 10 children?" (Really sweet, but lets face it: men just don't always get it.) So Hannah took off and did the only thing she could do - she went to the church and prayed. With a heart overflowing with sadness, and eyes overflowing with tears, Hannah prayed earnestly. So earnestly, in fact, that when she was praying, her mouth was moving but no words were coming out. I bet poor Hannah made quite a sight to look at. The priest must have thought so, because he came over and scolded her for being drunk.
Hmmm... sounds like a woman who knows what it's like to hurt - a lot. I don't think she'd be giving me any crazy advice. Honestly, I would be embarrassed to tell her my problem because my little issue pales in comparison with hers! She's been going through this for YEARS. And in a society that expects you to produce many children! Poor Hannah makes ME cry. How many times did she get excited just hoping... only to be disappointed? How many babies did she lose? How many times did that awful woman laugh in her face and point out the obvious with snide little comments - all while flaunting her children around? How many nights did Hannah cry herself to sleep?
Thankfully, that wasn't the end of Hannah's story. It's not the end of mine and it's not the end of yours either. God doesn't leave us hanging. Eli told her that God had heard her tearful prayers and that her request would be granted within the year - and it was! She gave birth to a little boy named Samuel. You heard of him? There's a good chance you have. He ended up with a pretty big role - in fact, he has two books of the Bible named after him. But after she had Samuel, her story didn't end! She went on to have 5 more children!
What about Mean Myrtle and her kids? As far as I know, I don't remember ever reading about them again.
We can all relate to Hannah - we all know what it's like to want something that seems like we will never get. We all know what it's like to have heartbreak. We can rest in the fact that God's hears our prayers and His timing is perfect. He has an amazing plan for me, you, and for whoever else may come along. (Check out 1 Peter 5: 6-7)
You can find Hannah's story in 1 Samuel 1 - 2:21
No comments:
Post a Comment