Random thought of the day:
I saw a woman today; she had the most sour expression on her face. She didn't really smile - and she didn't really laugh. It makes people uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable. I don't want to be like that. I hope that I don't ever grow to look that way. I hope she finds something to make her smile.
Today's post has to deal with learning to be happy with who you are. In case you haven't noticed from all of my pictures recently, my hair is brown. Not just any brown - really, really dark brown. All my life, people have told me it was black. It is not black, but I've grown to accept the fact that no one can tell that it isn't black - unless I stand next to someone with black hair.
I never liked my hair. I wanted pretty blonde hair. The kind with big curls - and NO BANGS. (As you can see, I sported the 'bangs' look for many years. In fact, I had bangs until college. These bangs were NOT of my choosing.) I used to be so jealous of all of the girls with pretty blonde hair - or the ones who could dye their hair that color and it look pretty. Unfortunately, as much as I have always wished for, and dreamed of this perfect blonde hair... it has never happened. There is nothing I can do about this dark hair of mine. I could dye it, but I'd look crazy for sure. The rest of me is too dark and I'd have these horrid black-ish roots two days after I dyed it. That would not be attractive.
I didn't like my freckles, either.
I didn't have blue eyes. (People said I would have never made it in Nazi Germany.)
I wasn't tall enough to be a model.
... or short enough to be classified as "fun sized"
I wasn't "curvy" enough.
I wasn't skinny enough.
My name was too girly.
My feet were horrendously too big.
My teeth aren't straight.
I wasn't funny enough.
I was too quiet.
When I talked, I was too loud.
I could keep this list going.
... but why?
For years I felt that I had a lot in common with the poor little ugly duckling. I still feel as if I do, and that many people feel the same way. Does this mean I turned into someone more beautiful than my peers? Absolutely not.
I just have learned over the years how to be comfortable in my own skin. I've learned to laugh at myself. That one of the most unattractive things is trying to be someone you're not. (It's worse when you take yourself too seriously.) God didn't give me long blonde hair. For some reason, He wanted me to have super dark brown hair. (Maybe it's super important... Wonder Woman had black hair... hmmm...) I've discovered that if anyone knows what in the world is going on, it would be God. Plus, even though by the world's standard, I may not be what they're looking for (Hey, that could change though. What was cool 20 years ago kids laugh at now... but give it 10 more years and it will come back in style. Who knows? I might be all the rage tomorrow.) but He thinks I'm beautiful.
And He's not the only one. Before anyone had really ever thought about me, He had stitched together a little blonde haired, blue eyed boy - who would think my hair was beautiful - and so was the rest of me. A boy who would think my freckles were cute, I was the perfect height for kissing, who thought I talked just enough, who would laugh when I made corny jokes, and who would think that the only thing wrong with my name was the last part - which was the ONLY thing he was more than happy to help change.
Life would be boring if we were all the same. Those little "mistakes" we have make us interesting. They make us who we are. We shouldn't try to hide those things! And we shouldn't try to hide because of those things! Those things are the very things that people fall in love with. I do not know anyone who is perfect, but I do have the most interesting friends and family a girl could ever ask for. A more beautiful set of people I have never seen - and I wouldn't change them a bit!
I just wish I had really understood all of this when I was younger.
As cliche as it sounds, beauty really does come from within. After the first few minutes, we like people for more than their outsides.
Be more than your outsides, people.
I actually remember this picture being taken. We were walking through Opryland(??) and I saw this little thingy. It had colored stars on it. There was this pink star... I REALLY wanted to touch those stars... so I stopped walking with my parents and went to touch the stars. Totally forgot about things like "getting lost." When I looked back up, I didn't see my parents right away. Apparently, this is the face you make when your thoughts are going from "Oh dookey. I think I lost my folks." to "Oh, there they are."
Me and my old friend Marianne in Mrs. Mary's class at church. You can't see them (obviously...) but "Little Alan" and Abby were sitting across the table. I remember trying to think up what in the world I was going to paint. A house and a rainbow were the winners...
I can't wait until tomorrow. I'm already laughing. I can't wait until you can laugh at these with me.
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