Zeke's Birth Day

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since my Zekie boy was born. His birth story is one of my favorite stories. (It wasn’t at the time - at the time it was a nightmare! - but in hindsight it’s hilarious.) I figure now would be as good of a time as any to share it.

*DISCLAIMER: If you are about to have a baby, do not read this post. Jenna, Erica, Jeremy - I'm looking at you. If you're a man, you'd probably prefer to move on. If you read this post and are scarred for life, it's not my fault. I warned you.

Also, this is long.

With Peyton, I kept meticulous notes and blogs. I didn’t with Zeke. (Clearly.) Couple of reasons: 
First: My pregnancy with Zeke flew by because I was busy and I had a dramatic toddler up underneath me. Between being sick, work, and Peyton – it was hard to find time.
Second reason: Ben was working at a job that kept him out of town during the week. This directly affected every aspect of our lives and my pregnancy. Telling the Internet that we were home alone didn’t sit right with me.

Because of his job, Ben missed almost all of Zeke’s appointments. We had a few concerns during his 21 week ultrasound. (Which he wasn’t able to make it to – this was no beuno. It’s not fun having the doc sit you down and say something looks weird on your baby when your man isn’t there. (They were sure everything was fine, of course.) Thank the good Lord that Mimi was there with me.) Because of the extra appointments that we had to go to the rest of the pregnancy, Ben was able to make most of those ultrasound appointments. [Edit: I should probably explain. Zeke had an arachnoid cyst. Pretty much, a fluid filled bubble between some of the layers that coat his brain. We watched this for the remainder of the pregnancy and took him to the Children's Hospital in Greenville once he was born for an MRI. He's fine.] I was really nervous towards the end, because his company really seemed to like to send him off to where he was a least 4 hours away and it was getting precariously close to July 16th. Ben managed to use his powers of communication to help them understand that until the baby was born, he was under a travel restriction. 

The week of Zeke’s due date came pretty fast. It was so hot. I was so huge. I managed to waddle into work (late), plop down for a few hours (I was just there for decoration purposes only those last couple weeks), and waddle back out in time for a short nap before getting Peyton every day. I figured I was in for the long haul since Peyton was late. No need to use up time before I really needed it.

I handled Zeke’s pregnancy like a champ. I was so much more chill with him. [I swore up and down that I could tell my kids personalities by how I acted when I was pregnant. Not bragging or anything, but so far, I was right. (Peyton likes chocolate and peanut butter, classic rock, and there is a lot of very strong emotion coming from her tiny little body. Kiddo never feels anything half-way. Zeke on the other hand, likes lots of carbs and meat, hates weird textures, likes smoother music, and nothing much bothers the kid.)] BUT by the time those last weeks hit – I was so SICK OF THE QUESTIONS. I wasn’t sick of them as soon as I was with Peyton – but they still wear you down, you know?

The morning Zeke was born was two days before my due date. It was an absolutely beautiful morning. I texted my parents to let them know that I did not have the baby in the middle of the night. I re-posted a quote from C.S. Lewis to which I captioned:

 

What was about to happen was ultimate irony. 

Peyton came in our room and crawled up in the bed with George. We took selfies. Looking back, I was so swollen it wasn’t funny. I would share, but... yeah, NO. There are some photos you just save for your kids. Sorry Internet. Around that time (Say about 7:45-ish), I noticed that my belly was tightening. It wasn’t painful, but I started counting anyway. While they weren’t painful, they were 2-3 minutes apart. I texted Ben. He was almost an hour away at that point. He asked if he should turn around. I said I didn’t think so, but I would let him know in about 30 minutes or so. After we talked, he made the executive decision to come home and called me back to tell me he was on his way. (Really glad he did that.) I got up and started getting ready. Hospital or Work, I didn’t need to look like a complete bum. Things stayed steady, so I got Peyton ready for the day and had her play at my feet in the bathroom. I called Sherry around 8:30-ish and asked her if she could keep Peyton. I wasn’t sure if I was in labor or not, but we were going to the doctor once Ben got home. By this time, every once in a while, I would have one that hurt a little more than they had been. One of these happened when Sherry came by to pick up Peyton. She asked if she needed to stay, but I told her no. Ben would be home soon.

Ben got home around 9:15ish. We left shortly thereafter. We decided we best go to my doctors office first. I called them and told them I thought I might be in labor and was headed their way. When we got there, absolutely no one seemed to be in hurry. We sat in the waiting area for a while. I was a little worried – my contractions were hurting more, but they were spacing back out. I told Ben that I was going to pee and I decided while I was in the bathroom that whether or not they were spacing back out, I wasn’t going to act like it. I was going to act like I was in some serious pain. The baby would come when he was supposed to, but I wasn’t  going to object to them going ahead and admitting me to the hospital. So, when they finally called me back, I put on my slow-I’m-in-pain-waddle. They told me they could tell I was in labor: I was doing the labor walk. I was secretly proud of myself and congratulated myself on my mad acting skills. They took me to the exam room and checked my cervix. I was a 3. CRAP. I had been at a 3 for the last couple of weeks. But, they were taking my word for it, and took me back to one of the recliners, hooked me up to a machine and set me up to watch my contractions for 20 minutes.
My contractions stayed steady and within 20 minutes they confirmed I was in labor. My contractions had picked up in intensity during those 20 minutes. When the nurse left, I told Ben that they wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the back pain and the fact that it felt like I was going to crap a brick. (Sorry for being so blunt - but it's what I said.) They ended up leaving me in there for another 20 minutes or so while they fixed up my paperwork. They took me to a room, checked me again, and I had progressed to a 4. By this time, my back was hurting enough that I would start to cry a little bit on some of them. They sent me out the door, said they would see me soon – but not to get too excited. It would be after 5 before baby showed up. We got in the car and headed to the hospital around 10:50ish. (Ben had texted our parents and everyone was making plans to be at the hospital around 5.) It took us less than 10 minutes to get to Regional. When we drove in to the Delivery parking lot, I went back and forth about needing a wheel chair (They will get you one if you need one.) A contraction hit me hard enough as we pulled in that I stood up in my seat a little and said “Yes, I need a wheelchair.” (How embarrassing.) They told us that we could walk in and get one. (What??) Ben dropped me off at the door and I waited for him to park. He quickly made it around but there were NO spaces available. I tell him to just go park and hurry and meet me at the front desk. I'm fine. I can go ahead and get to the front desk and get things started. (Boy, did I ever.)

As soon as he drove off, my contractions started hitting hard. Really hard. So hard that it took me over five minutes to get from 3 feet away from the door to 3 feet inside of the door. I could barely move my legs and I looked hunchbacked.  Once I got inside, a group of people walked by and said: “Oh look!! She’s in labor!” I tried to smile and wave a bit. There was an older man reading a paper that kept looking at me like I was nuts as I kept trying to make it around the wall. I’m sure it appeared to be some sort of weird game of peek-a-boo. (Where the heck was the front desk?! How was I ever going to make it all the way there?! WHERE WAS BEN?!) A younger man rushed over to me and said, “You’re in labor. My wife JUST had a baby. Do you need some help?”
“No! No! I’m fine! Really! I’m good! My husband is coming! I’ll be good! Thank you though!” He asked me if I was sure. I said I was, but thanked him. You could tell he didn’t believe me and he walked off. A few moments later, a couple of hospital administrators came around the corner. The lady asked me if she could help. I told her that I was trying to get to labor and delivery and that my husband was on his way. He was just parking the car. She asked me if I had taken a Lamaze class and if I could remember my breathing. I told her - in very broken, short sentences - that I hadn’t taken a class but not to worry! This was my second (Hold up 2 fingers for emphasis that I'm clearly an old pro) baby, I was only dilated to a 4 - but I was going to get them to hook me up with an epidural as soon as I could just get up that elevator. Drugs are great! (This was funniest conversation looking back on things. My confidence was in rare form. After all, I had a plan.)

I’m not sure if God laughed at that point, but I’m thinking He had to at least be smiling.

About this time, the admin guy and the man who had stopped me earlier (I told you he didn't believe me) came around the corner with an angel. I’m serious. That woman will always and forever be an angel in my mind. She had the sweetest personality and a wheelchair. LORD, BLESS THIS WOMAN FOREVER. She got me in the chair, up the elevator, and we headed to triage. We were *sort-of* talking when I got in the wheelchair. By the time we made it to triage (Less than 3 minutes) I was crying again. I could barely see. I couldn’t talk at all. (I know I scared some little girl who looked like she couldn’t have been older than 12. But she was in labor and delivery. Maybe her mom had prepared her ahead of time.) I handed the nurse my paperwork and she told me that I could go ahead to the desk and see about getting in a room. The nurse at the desk told the angel lady that they didn’t have a room for me. I would have to sit in the waiting room. Angel lady told them flat-out: “This child can’t go sit in the waiting room.” I asked them to please, please just put me where no one could see me crying. (I couldn’t see great, but I knew that people were staring at me.) They ended up parking me in the edge of some room in the hallway while they finished my room. I told them as the angel lady rolled me away, “Bearded man. Blue check shirt. Husband. Mine.” I watched another pregnant lady walk in with her family and go to her room. (They all stared at me too.) By this time, I was moaning. I hate moaning, so I try not to do it - but I couldn’t help it. I was trying to stifle it. Ben walked in and was immediately pointed to me. (My clipped description worked marvelously.) I had thought that Ben being there would make it easier. Maybe I was just hurting so bad because I was alone. Nope. Still hurt. Somewhere around that time, it hit me: Now is not the time to stifle it. They are not going to hurry and you will have this baby without an epidural if you don't do something right now. I got loud. This sped things up considerably. I was in a room within a couple of minutes. They told me to stand up and to take off my clothes and get into my hospital gown. This presented a problem. I couldn’t move. I’m glad we were a couple stories up. I ended up standing there in my birthday suit for a few minutes because I could not make my body move other than shaking uncontrollably. When I made it into the bed the nurse checked me to see if I was progressing. In the middle of checking, she stops and looks at the other nurse. 
“Isn’t this the one they just called in from Spartanburg and Pelham? The one they said was a four.”
“Yes. She’s a four.”
“No. No she’s not. She’s a really good eight.”

I started to panic. First thing I had asked for was an epidural. I knew they couldn’t give me one right away, so would they please give me some Tylenol or something so I could make it until then?? Sure they had said. Now, I knew – they were going to forget about my epidural. They might forget about my Tylenol.

Things started happening quickly. We went from two nurses to more people than I could count coming in and out. The doctor from our group was doing a circumcision. Someone ran out to find a different doctor. I kept begging for an epidural. They kept telling me to breathe and to calm down. Ben asks when I would be able to get an epidural. There was a pause. In which I take the opportunity to say: “DON’T SAY I’M NOT GETTING AN EPIDURAL!”
So, everybody kept on with what they were doing and nobody said it.

Things were not going as I had planned.

I started praying “Jesus, please let me get an epidural!” over and over. (Bless them, I know they were tired of hearing it.) Either one of the nurses told me or Ben told me – can’t remember which – at one point to calm down. I yelled back, “I NEED TO TALK TO JESUS!”

They kept touching my belly and moving my arms and legs. This made me hurt worse and made me yell. I roared at the doctor when he tried to check me. (It sounded very much like that scene in Beauty and the Beast where the Beast roars: “THAT HURTS!” Bless him. Even Ben thinks I hurt the poor mans feelings.)

In between my prayers for an epidural, I would yell and sob: “I’m so sorry!!! I’m really a nice person!”

They told me that I was a really strong woman. I cried and said I didn’t want to be a really strong woman.

I was going to die. I just knew it. Yep. This was how it was going to end for me. 

Then my water broke. If I wasn't panicking before, I certainly was panicking then.  One of the nurses calmly said that there was meconium in my water. She was so calm - said it as if she was saying that it was a sunny day - but I knew it wasn’t good. 
I managed to tell Ben through gritted teeth, "That's not good."
He asked why and I was able to only spit out, "He's pooped."

Not. Going. As. Planned.

NICU nurses, my nurses, doctors, and goodness knows who else in there. I didn’t know. I didn’t care. I was in pain. I knew I wasn’t getting an epidural. And now my baby could be in trouble.

Things were really not going as I had planned. Why had my baby, my body, and all these people not gotten the memo?!

At some point, Ben was the one who told me I wasn’t going to get an epidural. I wasn’t happy with him. So, I tried to breathe, yell, focus on the A/C vent, and think about Subway Ham Sandwiches. The doctor came in just in time. They had already started breaking the bed down. She introduced herself quickly and told me to push.

Man, it burned. But I remembered what one of my friends had told me when she had her first - once it burns, it’s almost over. So I pushed harder. It was awful. Then, it was over. Just like that. They called his time of birth at 12:05 in the afternoon. In order for the NICU nurses to get him as quickly as possible, Ben didn't get to cut the cord. I couldn’t see what they were doing. I kept trying to see him, but I was so tired I could barely move.

Dropping to a 5 from a 10 on the pain scale feels like you have no pain at all. Or at least it really makes the stuff I normally would have struggled with seem like ant bites. In about 10 minutes or less, my room was practically empty. They handed me Zeke and I got to just lay there with him on my chest all snuggled up under a warming blanket. Bless him. He was so skinny and white. He had dark hair that stood straight up, and a really bad recessed chin – but I thought he was beautiful. Healthy as a horse, he was! 20 inches long. 7 lbs 2.5 oz. I have no idea who my nurses were for most of delivery, but I was able to meet a few of the ladies who helped me after the fact - and they were wonderful! The one who helped get Zeke set up was especially sweet. 

After Zeke and I had about an hour to snuggle and bond, I was able to get up and walk around with no problems. Ben watched Peyton and Sherry run across the entrance. Peyton got to come see Zeke in the room and hold him while I got up to go to the bathroom. Not long after that, we left (Like the unit we are) and headed off to the twinkle -twinkle little star button so that Peyton could push it to let the whole hospital know that Zeke was here. 

There you have it, folks. 

*Also, I did some checking and asking around. Apparently super-fast labors are a thing. They're hereditary. (My dad was born as they were wheeling my grandmother into the delivery room. Whoops.) Bonus: They get faster with each kid! So, for all of you who want to know when we'll be having another, well, that will be when I'm okay with possibly having a baby before I get to the hospital. (We all laughed when Ben said he could deliver his kids. He came close to having to with Zeke. And we've been warned that if we do this again, he probably will.)

... and yes, it was worth every bit of it. Happy Birthday sweet boy!

For those who were wondering about Tieks

Hey everyone! I promised I would let you all know what I thought about Tieks - so here's the first update!

I held my breath and ordered the shoes. (It made me want to puke, but I'm really trying hard to do the whole 'quality over quantity' thing. Plus, I want a good pair of shoes that I can wear with everything and that will last. I don't want to have to take the time to find the "perfect" pair of shoes every few months. I don't have time for that. I just want a great pair of shoes that I can put on every day without having to think about it.)
Since I'm normally a half-size, I ordered a size up. (I've been known to have a large foot. This makes for a good foundation; though, it's slightly nightmarish when it comes to shoes.) I picked the Taupe. (I figured this was a good color that I could wear to the office and also with my Jeans on Saturday.) I received an email an hour after ordering saying that my shoes were on their way. I was really shocked by how fast that happened!

My shoes came in two days later. The packaging was really cute - and there was a handwritten note. The shoes were cute and comfortable... but, I didn't wear them off of the carpet because I had heard that they stretch out just a bit. While they felt fantastic, I was worried that if they stretched any at all, they would be too big. (Once you wear them outside, they're yours. No returns once they hit the dirt.)

SO - I emailed customer service. I had heard they were great. I was about to find out the truth for myself. (It's just as fantastic as I had heard!) I explained how the shoes fit my feet and asked if they thought if maybe I should try another size. They emailed me back within few hours. (They're on California time. If I'm remembering correctly, my email was answered within the first couple business hours their time. Really impressed with that!) One of their super-nice people (Marisa) talked me through it, and said that while it's personal preference, they did sound as if they might be a tad too big and that I may want to try the smaller size. She walked me through how I could go on the website and put in for a return. They would ship me the shoes in the size and color of my choice along with a return label. I would have two weeks to return the pair that didn't fit. (Yes, you can change color and/or size! I chose the same color, just in the smaller size. If you change to one of the more expensive styles, apparently they just charge the card on file.)

I put my Tieks back in their box and waited. USPS tracking said that I should get my new pair on Friday.
USPS had me in knots. They didn't show up Friday. I did some tracking. After a few days, they were marked as "Delayed" and apparently had found their way to Texas. Want to talk about sad? I emailed Marisa. She said to give it a bit more time since they were still marked "In Transit" to see if USPS could get them going and if they hadn't moved in a day or so, we'd see about contacting them. She would make a note to my account that I would need more time before my original shoes would be able to make it back due to shipment delays.
I did some bemoaning and some praying. I'll be honest, at 29 years old, I was wandering around pouting like my 3 year old because I didn't have my shoes yet. At 2 AM I received a text (Yep, I stalk my mail.) that my shoes had made it from some place I had never heard of in Texas - to Greenville. At 4 AM I received a text that my shoes were in Gaffney. My shoes were on my feet at 11 AM! (I think total time, I waited about 8 days on the second pair? Can't remember exacts.)

These also arrived in a super cute package with a handwritten note. I tried on both shoes. (My sister quickly tried on the size 9's out of curiosity and they were a better fit for her. We wear the same size shoe, usually. Her foot is a tad wider and just that little bit made the difference for her.) I made the decision to stick with the smaller size. I'm really glad I did. I wasn't sure what I thought the first day. I had been wearing a pair of flats that had rubbed my foot raw and so I couldn't tell if they were rubbing my feet or if my feet had just been raw from the other shoes. Two days later, I sent my BFF&E Lindsey the following text: "These shoes are like yoga pants for your feet." So far, I continue to stand by that text. They are super comfortable! I haven't worn another pair of shoes (other than my bedroom shoes) since. They're super soft on top. Those teal bottoms are like tennis shoes. They don't rub my feet. My big toe was a little sore the first day, but I had been having problems with an ingrown toenail. (Ew, Gross. I know... Sorry. Just want to make sure I give you all the facts. $175 is a lot of money for a pair of shoes. If you're like me, you want all the facts before you take the plunge.) Once I took care of that, I didn't have any trouble with that either. I kicked at the pavement to move a nail out of the road, and I got the TEE-TINIEST of a little mark on the very end of one of them, but that was my own stupidity, and I'm the only one that can see it.

As of right now, I'd say that I would hands-down buy them again. I'll try to keep you updated on how they work in the long run!

14 Weeks *Baby 2*

14 Weeks

How far along? 14 Weeks

Baby size: A lemon

Total weight gain/loss: No clue at this point. Judging by my current diet, I'm going to say that we're holding steady from last week.

Maternity clothes? Yes, please.

Stretch marks? Just the old ones.

Sleep: I haven't managed to get into bed before 10 this week. It's wearing on me. I'm having trouble dragging myself out of bed in the mornings. If you've seen me this week, (Especially during the afternoon/evenings) you wont have any trouble believing this. I know I look like death warmed over. Maybe not even that. At least at funerals everyone says: "They look so good!" - nobody has been saying that about me this week. HOW are all these people just bee-bopping around?! HOW do they have so much energy?! WHY do I keep thinking I can do everything not-pregnant me can do?! Why do I not cut myself some slack? Or am I cutting myself too much slack? Should I be able to keep up? Maybe I should try harder? Should I sleep less? *insert emotional breakdown.* Ah, the song of a pregnant woman...

Best moment this week: Uhhh... it's been a rough one. Maybe wearing my pretty dress? But to be honest, it was probably my tall, caffeinated mocha from Starbucks from this morning.
That, and I was a little bit pathetic and I sent baby's ultrasound off to this website to see what they would predict the gender to be, and they sent me the results back. Obviously, we still don't know because it was just a guess, but it was fun. (And no, I'm not going to say what it said.)

Miss Anything? Feelings of competency? Granted, I'm preggo and it's January. January always comes with extra paperwork and cleaning up and out. It's cold. And everyone's already taken down their Christmas lights. January can be a drag. One of the reasons that we got married in January. At least we'd have something fun to look forward to in the middle of it all.

Movement: At night I feel the flutters. The other day I got a swift chop that surprised me and made me jump.

Food cravings: Week before I ate my weight in pepperoni pizza. I've ate a lot of salt this week. I've also ate Honey Nut Cheerios for supper pretty much every night this week.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Eh, not much has changed on the food home front. Relations are slightly better. We realize this relationship needs to be repaired because we need each other, but let's face it: a lot of damage has been done, there are feelings still hurt, and distrust and suspicion still remain.

Have you started to show yet: Just a wittle bit.

Gender: Baby has one. We're just not sure what it is yet.

Symptoms: Tired, slight insomnia, I pee a lot, slightly cranky at times, can be emotional about sentimental things, queasy comes and goes, acid reflux - like WHOA, get some flutters at times, muscles in my stomach and back ache, headaches, my brain is starting to forget things again.

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Looking forward to: Some quality time with my Hunny. I love that man. We like to be lazy. We like adventures.  And I can be completely myself with him and I know he still loves me, and that is one of the best gifts. I've always heard that the most important decisions you'll make in life are whether or not to follow Jesus, and who you'll marry. I feel like they may have hit the nail on the head with that one. Listen, Jesus sees every bit of you and knows exactly who you are, and he still loves you. Make sure you find a man who wants and tries to be like Jesus.

Random Observations: Peyton randomly put her head down on the table at her Other Mama's and cried because Mommy and Daddy wont let her name the baby Case Joy Heart. *Eye Roll* She's so drama. She's decided to call the baby "Baby Monkey." This has also meant that she's ADDED to baby's name: Case Joy Heart Elizabeth Monkey. It's still a 'No.' from Mom. Peyton may not be happy with me right now, but this baby will thank me one day.

11-13 Weeks

(Sorry it's not fancy. I knew I needed to get started, and I actually looked decent this day, so I just grabbed the chalk board and took a quick picture.)

11-13 Weeks

How far along? As you can see, I mashed a few weeks together.... 11-13

Baby size: At the time I'm writing, a peach.

Total weight gain/loss: I'm not really sure, but last Friday, the nurse told me I had lost some more weight.

Maternity clothes? I got my first pair of maternity pants in the mail... and OH MY GOODNESS. THOSE FEEL LIKE HEAVEN! Most of the time, I'm just wandering around with my pants undone, but I wear maternity stuff now if I have it/can. (Also, I might have bought one of the maternity dresses that Kate Middleton wore, and #1 IT'S BEAUTIFUL. #2 It's comfy as all get-out. Also, random, but it made me think of it... don't use bio-oil and then try to put on Sally Hansen's leg makeup to try and mask your pasty white legs. It will start to come off and you will start to look like an inverted tan Dalmatian.)
Stretch marks? Just the old ones.

Sleep: Bleh. I'm tired. BUT I'm waking up in the middle of the night more now. Sometimes to pee; sometimes my mind just wakes me up so that I can hyperventilate about all of the things I have to do, all of the things coming up to do, and all of the things I haven't/forgot to do. I told a friend today: I'm running on all cylinders and dropping all the balls.Best moment this week: So, I'm going to say seeing my baby on the ultrasound machine was the highlight of the last three weeks. OH MY GOODNESS. The 12 week ultrasound might just be my most favorite. It just seems to become so much more real. Let me tell you, baby is just like the "Big Sistah": Lazy, stubborn, and can get slightly irritable. Baby flat-out rolled over and put it's back to us at one point. But, we got a lot of good shots! Liked to keep hands and arms up near/above the face and head. Heartbeat was good, and everything looked and measured good. Believe me, I have been obsessing over these pictures.
Miss Anything? Some food. Not being as achy. Starting to miss sleep position options. (If I sleep on my back too long now, my extremities fall asleep.)
Movement: Still feel a little something here or there. Really only at night though. I've got too much going on during the day to pay attention.

Food cravings: Nothing really. Food is 'Eh.' I've been eating a lot of cereal. It tastes pretty good and the milk is supposed to help with this horrendous acid reflux I have going on. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Weird smells still aren't my favorite. FOR THE LOVE, KEEP THE BACON AWAY. No fried chicken.

Have you started to show yet: Yeah. Just a little bit.

Gender: Lord have mercy, I don't even know! I thought maybe boy? Then I was like, Oh, this one is totally a girl. Every old wives tale in the book comes up with a different answer. I think we're sitting at 50/50. Now I'm back to who knows?!!?! My opinions on the subject change daily. So, apparently, not me!

Symptoms: Tired. Brain-Fried. Slightly overwhelmed by life. A little bloated and puffy. I can't lay on my back or stomach comfortably anymore. Can get cranky. Weird dreams. BAD BAD BAD acid reflux. (I feel like a hole has been burned into my esophagus. (Is that how you spell that?! hunh.) Food is still 'eh. I should probably eat.' 

Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: Well, our 5 year wedding anniversary is coming up, so there's definitely that. Then there's the IF:Gathering. (we're hosting a IF:Local at our church. Pretty excited.) AND the morning of IF:, I have my next doctors appointment.

Random Observations: Okay, so I brought Peyton some ultrasound pictures back from the last doctors appt. She liked the normal ones. We had a shot that was in 3D too, so I showed her that one. Her reaction (and I do not lie - I wish I could have taken a picture/video. It was hilarious.) *Absolutely horrified look* "EEEWWW! HIM'S UGL... Him wook STWANGE...." (Apparently she's figured out that calling someone ugly is not nice.) What can I say? Out of the mouths of babes... in her defense, it was a little bit weird to look at...
Yes, she called baby a "him," but no, we don't know what it is. She also says that this is her "Baby Sistah" and claims that we are going to name said baby Case Joy Heart. *eye roll* Lord, help me.

Round #2

So, this little clan is expanding from 3 to 4! (Unless Mimi get's her wish and there's more than one in there. In which case, the surprise is on us. *Update: Mimi, did not get her wish.*) Apparently, this was the world's not-so-biggest surprise. When we told our family, the most frequent reply was: We knew it! What took you guys so long?! So in order to treat my children fairly, to keep family and friends informed, and because it's the best way to keep a neat little record for the future - I'm going to post my updates on my blog again.

6 Weeks

How far along? As of today, I am 6 weeks along. Now, I'm not actually posting this on the blog yet. This is just going to be saved for a little while. We're not exactly keeping this a secret anymore, we just haven't gone all social-media-public. I had planed to keep it a secret for at least 2 months. Last time, I swore that with the next one I wouldn't tell until I was like 4 months along so maybe I wouldn't feel like I was pregnant forever. As you can tell, we're 6 weeks in and I've already said that we've told people. How did this happen? Well, the day after Ben and I found out, I thought I was texting Ben about the baby... because, you know, who wouldn't want to talk about big news like that? Yeah... it was the maintenance man at work. Whoops.

Baby size: I have no idea. Let me check that app thing... a sweet pea. There.

Total weight gain/loss: No clue. Since the last time, I've switched jobs and the cattle scale isn't handy anymore. And for some reason, buying a scale for the house doesn't seem like a necessity - or anything I'm willing to shell out $30 for. 

Maternity clothes? Nope. Unless you count the maternity clothes I've been wearing and passing off as "normal" clothes since I was pregnant with Pey. 
Stretch marks? You mean the leftover ones? Haha. Just kidding. I know what it means... I am not aware of any new ones at this current moment.

Sleep: I'm just going to say that I have a toddler with the croup.
Best moment this week:  It's been a rough week this week. Ben had work stuff to handle out of town and Peyton decided to catch the croup. I'M SO EXCITED IT'S FRIDAY AND I MIGHT GET TO SLEEP.
Miss Anything? The idea of certain foods. It's only because I know I can't have them for a while. Dang pregnancy rule books.
Movement: Of course not. 

Food cravings: Salt. I really wanted Chinese Food the other day. I've really wanted savory stuff, so I've been pouring the flavors to things - and they're still bland. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: If I don't eat.

Have you started to show yet: I like to follow pregnancy blogs. My middle section is rivaling some of these first time mommy's well-into-the-second-trimester bellies. Listen, it's probably from my deep enjoyment of *salty* food, but I'm going to blame it on second baby stuff.

Gender: Everyone claims to know but me! Peyton first said that it was a "durl" and that it was her "bay-bee seester" but the last two days she's changed her tune. I don't trust her opinion though. The other day, she said I had 10 babies in there.

Symptoms: Super tired. A few cramps. Really sore boobs. (Which Pey is PULVERIZING. Toddlers jump and waller and have NO CONSIDERATION FOR A MOMMY IN PAIN. In fact, they find it FUNNY. Just you wait little girl. One day, many, many moons from now, maybe you'll have a baby on the way yourself. First thing I'm doing is socking you in the boobs and laughing about it. A little moody (Nothing compared to how I was with Peyton. Listen, I swore the whole time it was her acting out and not me. People raised their eyebrows and rolled their eyes. They see the truth now. The world is chica's stage - and she's going to put on a show. She feels everything FULL FORCE. No reason to let your people down.) Really digging the salt these days. I get a little icky feeling if I don't snack often enough.

Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: Feeling the baby move. Also, being able to rest my food and drink of my belly. 

Random Observations: HOW MUCH CAN A PERSON FORGET BETWEEN PREGNANCY?! Apparently, a lot. I forgot that there was so much people say you can't do. Am I being as stinking cautious as the last time? No. Last time I was afraid to move too much or eat anything that wasn't a salad. Last night, I had ribs. They were GOOD. 

7 Weeks

How far along? As I write this, I am 7 weeks and like 2 days.

Baby size: A blueberry, supposedly.

Total weight gain/loss: While I was at my parents, I decided to step on a scale and weigh myself for the first time in something like a year. THAT was a BAD idea. Either this baby or the last year has caused me to pack on a pound or two, or three, or twenty... I think it lied. I think it's broken. I'm not TOO worried about it. I still fit in my clothes, I don't feel unhealthy, and no one else has mentioned anything.

Maternity clothes? Other than the ones I've been rocking since Peyton, not yet.
Stretch marks? Just the left-over ones.

Sleep: Eh, we're all still recovering, so it's not great.
Best moment this week:  Thanksgiving dinner. That's always a high note.
Miss Anything? Uhm, Oysters.  Chicken. Also not wondering if food is going to make me sick.
Movement: Of course not. 

Food cravings: Still with the pickle juice. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Today we decided to be repulsed completely by chicken of every type. And the thought of greasy things makes me kind of "ick." I still don't really like or want anything sweet either. I have a dilemma. Does this child realize we live in the south? 

Have you started to show yet: People keep commenting on my belly. I think it has something to do with that broken scale and first trimester bloat, but I try to be smart and keep my opinions to myself.

Gender: I still don't know. Starting to think everyone else thinks it's a boy. Ben hasn't called it either way.

Symptoms: I WANT TO TOSS MY COOKIES. Things that make my heart happy one moment, might send me running for my life the next. (Happened this morning. I asked Ben to bring me a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit from Hardees. I was so excited. I opened the bag and... today has not been good.) The milk producers have remembered how this is supposed to go without problem. In the morning I start off with a normal looking belly, but by the end of the day I'm pretty bloated and look about 4 months pregnant. I try to get as much work done as possible by lunch, because somewhere around 1-2 I'm exhausted. Today in Bi-Lo I got super irritable. Katie said I was "Hangry" and Ben said I needed a snickers. The leg cramps have returned.

Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: Eating normally. Our doctor's appointment this Friday. 

Random Observations: This child confuses me. I told Ben this morning that this child is so quiet. Most of the time I forget baby is in there... but then every once in a while the child decides to shake things up and remind me.  Most of the symptoms I had with Peyton, are not happening this go around. Case in point: burping. With Peyton I started burping (Like, giant man-burps) around 4 weeks and I didn't stop until she was born. Haven't had heartburn yet - which had kicked in *Big-TIME*  by this time. I still like Ranch Dressing - last time, it turned my stomach the entire pregnancy. So the differences keep me on my toes.
Peyton isn't as interested in this whole "baby" thing now. Seems like we might have a small case of jealousy. She keeps telling everyone that she's a baby - not a big girl - and that we need to hold her, feed her, and treat her like a little baby. She doesn't seem to think that the baby is in her tummy anymore, she tried to lift up my shirt to show people the other day. *Whoops.*

8 Weeks

How far along? 8 weeks

Baby size: A raspberry

Total weight gain/loss: According to the scale at the doc's office, I have lost three lbs this week. I should not have worried about the extra lb's last week. No sooner had I typed the words... boy, did the nausea kick in. We haven't done a lot of eating lately. Thank the good Lord for prenatal vitamins.

Maternity clothes? Some, but not the pants yet. Right now I'm dealing with the lovely dance of: "This fits this morning, but will it fit tonight?" So we're just keeping it kinda loosey-goosey. Are my pants unbuttoned underneath this shirt that could possibly be a maternity shirt? Maybe. Maybe not. The world may never know.
Stretch marks? Just the same old same old.

Sleep: Better than expected. In fact, I've been sleeping pretty hard. Some nights I don't even have to wake up to pee. (Don't worry, I hold it - I haven't wet the bed... yet. HAHA) Granted, I have had some not fun dreams lately.
Best moment this week:  Our doctor's appointment today! Seeing a little, healthy, wiggly blob on the screen is a good feeling.
Miss Anything? Uhm, food. Actually, not really. I miss not feeling queasy when I think about or smell food.
Movement: Nada.

Food cravings: CRAVINGS? YOU MEAN AVERSIONS?! Right now, I can't even THINK about grease, fast food, or most meat. I've been eating a lot of pickles, bread, potatoes and salt. I have to say though, Outback's steak and baked potatoes make Mommy and Baby very happy. (This does not count everywhere, because the same meal at Fatz does NOT make Mommy and Baby very happy.)

Anything making you queasy or sick: Does everything count? This baby doesn't really like anything too sweet, funny textures, fast food, things like fried chicken and bacon... Yeah, it's kind of "play it by nose." It might sound REALLY great, but once it's in front of me... I'm like: NO. Side note: Being pregnant is NOT the time to try "Chestnuts roasted on an open fire." I apologize to the group of tween girls who sadly decided to walk in-between me and the bushes. I didn't mean to so forcefully break up your group walk.

Have you started to show yet: Eh, yay and nay? I might not look preggers when I first wake up, but this is a trick. Within the first 3-4 hours I start with the bloating. By the end of the day, I look about 4 months along!

Gender: The Lord only knows at this point, though my Dad claims that he also has the answer. He has written it down and we are waiting to read the envelope until we find out the gender fo' sho.

Symptoms: I get hungry and the thought of eating makes me want to puke all at the same time. I'm tired pretty much 24/7. I can get a little moody and short with people and inanimate objects. I do cry, but generally it's something that is actually sad. Maybe it's a sad commercial... or maybe it's the horror scenario my mind decided to start up of my loved ones dying on me. A little bloated in the belly region. My boobs hurt. Everything tastes weird. (What the heck, toothpaste?) Generally, I don't have the best nose out there, and by pregnancy standards, my sniffer is no where near as effective as other's... but my goodness... there are some smells where I'm like "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING?! WHY WOULD YOU WEAR OR EAT OR JUST BE SOMETHING SO STINKY. I MUST MOVE - NOW."

Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: Sleeping in and napping during the weekend.
Random Observations: My sister and I have always been close, but I guess since she's been chilling at my house things have reached a new level. Chica is suffering from sympathy symptoms! I've had a few good laughs about this. She started complaining a couple weeks ago about some weird stuff and I realized that almost ALL of it was symptoms I had when I was pregnant with Peyton, but that were either not as bad or I wasn't dealing with at all this go around. She didn't believe me at first, so I told her to Google it. She was horrified when she realized I was right and this really was a thing.
Second, poor Peyton. Life is a struggle right now. Sister is having a TIME. She might be drama, but she has never been high-maintenance. Chica could roll with whatever. Loves people, but doesn't have to have them. Mainly a snuggler at bedtime and when she's sick. Well, you know, it's a lot just being 2, but Mommy hasn't been feeling well and everyone keeps talking about how there's going to be another baby and she's going to be a sister, and Daddy's job and hours are changing... she's gotten more than a little clingy to Mommy and Daddy. We go no-where without out pappy. Mommy going to the bathroom is a group thing now-a-days, cuddles have to happen more often now, and sleeping in her own bed is just something that can wait until things settle down again.
Also, I am going to crank the chalkboard back up, but like I said, things have been a little crazy around our house these days. Hopefully I can get one for this weekend. :)
Mid-week: I'm exhausted and I have a major headache that just wont go away. Trying to stay awake at work. All of the stupid pregnancy blogs say "Just take a nap!" Uhm, HELLO, we don't all live in a fantasy dreamworld. Who the heck can just take a midweek nap like no-biggie?!

9 Weeks

How far along? 9 weeks and 3 days

Baby size: A green olive

Total weight gain/loss: No clue. Going to guess that I've lost at least a couple more lbs though.

Maternity clothes? Some. Some not. Tying to mix and match with what looks decent and what feels good.
Stretch marks? Just the old ones.

Sleep: Not too many problems here. I'm sleeping through, but I'm still tired a lot.
Best moment this week:  The weekend. Having Ben home was wonderful. Getting to take naps was also wonderful.
Miss Anything? Not being grossed out at the thought of food. Everything seems disgusting. EVEN my beloved coffee!
Movement: You know, sometimes I think "Maybe?" but I know it's not. The cool part is, since this is my second go-around, I might be able to feel baby before I'm out of the first trimester!

Food cravings: I really don't want to eat. I'm hungry, but please don't make me eat. If I must eat, can it be vegetables and fruit and salt?

Anything making you queasy or sick: If I don't eat. If it's too greasy. If it's too sweet. If it's pretty much any meat. If you smell funny. If I smell funny. If I think of something gross. For the first time ever, I gagged when I changed one of Peyton's dirty diapers.
The other night, Peyton went to the fish camp with her Mimi and Papa. She wanted me to cuddle her that night, but she smelled so bad like the fish camp, I told her she would have to cuddle Mommy's back. I promptly gave her a good scrubbing first thing in the morning. Didn't even let the child brush her own teeth. That junk had to GO.
Then I got brave on Friday. I thought I could go to Chick-Fil-A and try to stomach a Chicken Breakfast Burrito. NO. Just NO.

Have you started to show yet: I have a lot of bloat.

Gender: I don't have a clue and I refuse to call it. But everyone seems to be leaning toward Boy. Ben doesn't care either way. All the old wives tales and stuff honestly come out 50/50.

Symptoms: Everything makes me queasy. I'm tired. I'm achy on the sides of my lower stomach and kind of all over my stomach. I CAN SMELL EVERYTHING. Boobs are still sore. I cry about sad things. Sometimes I cry about really happy things. I have some really strange dreams. It doesn't take much for me to be panting like I've had a complete workout.

Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Looking forward to: Being able to eat again! Being able to THINK about eating again! Feeling the baby move. Finding out the gender so we can get baby named and start getting ready.

Random Observations: You know how some people sing and talk about old relationships that just can't go away? That's how Food and I am right now. Sometimes, I dream about how good it used to be. I just KNOW we could make it work! I get excited and I make plans for us to be together... and then we're together... It makes my nose hairs curl up in disgust. I get queasy and think "How could this have ever been good? How could I have ever thought that we could make this work? WHAT was I THINKING?!"
But as of moods, I'm a little more even keeled this pregnancy than the last. Maybe it's because I know what to expect, maybe it's the kid's personality shining through. Maybe it's because it could be a different gender. Maybe it's because I'm older and Peyton's wore me down. Hahaha. Granted, now that I've said this, I could have the most emotional week ever. You never can tell with these things.

10 Weeks

How far along? Holy Cannoli's we've made it to the double digits! 10 weeks 3 days

Baby size: A prune... ew.

Total weight gain/loss: I haven't a clue.

Maternity clothes? Some. Still hanging on with the pants. I found my belly band the other morning. That thing is a stomach saver!
Stretch marks? Just the old ones.

Sleep: Eh, the last few nights have been rough. I couldn't even get a decent nap in this weekend. Not sure what's up. Going to try to wind down a little better tonight.
Best moment this week: Hm. Maybe Christmas shopping with my girl. She's a hoot. Also, I'm almost completely sure I felt baby move the other night, and a couple times since then.
Miss Anything? Hm. Having a normal sense of smell. Not having to think about everything. Example: having to google if Bengay is safe during pregnancy. It's apparently not suggested.
Movement: Pretty sure I felt little one a couple nights ago. I was really relaxed and laying down at bedtime. I had my hand on my belly and I felt it.  (Not from the outside, but from the inside.) It's the weirdest feeling, but I know it. The little bugger was moving around in there.

Food cravings: Nothing really... anymore, I'm just ready to eat and get it over with. Ben and I went out the other night and talked about this. I told him a while back that it had occurred to me that I had a rather unhealthy appreciation of food and coffee... borderline worship. Well, things don't sit on thrones that they don't belong on, for long. I can say I no longer have this problem. Shoot, I was just happy that I was able to eat a cheeseburger the other night.

Anything making you queasy or sick: See the above question.

Have you started to show yet: Some say yes, some say no? I think I'm just caring less about covering up the pudge.

Gender: Still don't know. Peyton is still voting Team Girl. Everyone else is still siding Team Boy. I the first dream about this baby last night. I dreamed the child was a month old and someone asked me what the gender was. It occurred to me that I didn't know, so I whipped off baby's diaper, and baby was a girl. I even turned my head and then looked again just to see if it would change. It didn't. I felt really bad though, because the baby was a month old and her own parents didn't know she was a girl and hadn't even named her. (Granted, all my first pregnancy, I dreamed that I was having a little blonde haired boy. Except this one time I dreamed a little black-haired banshee popped out... and in that dream, I couldn't tell the gender. I was closer with the black-haired banshee.)

Symptoms: Tired, bloat-y, super-power sniffer, queasy, food aversions, nose bleeds, etc.

Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? OnLooking forward to: It's Christmas this week, DUH!

Random Observations: Pregnancy is weird. Except when it isn't and you sometimes get so busy you forget.

Some thoughts... and an Invitation.

There is this story that I’ve heard a few pastors tell, it goes a little something like this:

There was this couple. They had this nice old car – you know, the kind with the bench seat up front – and when they were young, the woman would slide on in and snuggle right up next to her man - and that’s how they rode everywhere. As time wore on, she ended up more in the passenger’s seat than the middle. One day, she notices it and immediately and agitatedly (Is that even a word?) calls it to the attention of her man. “Why don’t you hug me up like you used to? Why don’t we ever ride close like when we were young and dating??” Her husband looks over at her and says: “Don’t ask me! I haven’t moved!”

It’s a cute and funny story, but humor me and follow me with this one: How much is this like our relationship with God?! (Personally and as the Bride of Christ.) Be honest with yourself for a moment and think about it. How many times have you wondered, “God, all those people in the Bible have pretty amazing stories – and you moved in all of these amazing ways – why don’t you do that now? Why don’t you use me like you used them? Why do revivals happen other places but not here?” Why, why, why?? The list can go on and on. If you’re like me, you don’t need me to come up with a list of example questions. You probably have a list of your own. But, what if it’s similar to the story above?
God doesn’t change. The God who is God today, has always been God and always will be God. He is the same and always will be the same. Though the world and people around us may change, God does not change. He is the same God who is in the Old Testament. Our God today is the exact same God who poured out His Spirit at Pentecost. Now, I’m not saying that we don’t all experience Him in different ways. Our relationships with Him are on a personal level – He’s going to connect with us on a personal level that speaks to us as individuals.  What I’m saying is, what if we’re just not putting ourselves in the position to receive a blessing? What if we’re in the car with Him, but we’re just way over there in the passenger’s seat staring out the window? It’s not that He can’t act like that anymore – He can. It’s not that He doesn’t want to still do all of those amazing things and have great, interacting relationships with us – He does. It’s the fact that maybe we’re over here acting like we don’t want Him to do any of it. God loves us all lavishly – but He isn’t going to force Himself on anybody.  He loves us so much that we’ve got a choice in the matter. What if we would put ourselves in a position to be blessed? What would happen if we just scooted right on over, real close? You know, where He didn’t have to reach across the seat to hold our hand, but we put ourselves in a position for Him to put His arm around us? To put ourselves in a place to just enjoy Him, His presence, and being close to Him? We have that option, you know.  

Okay, so… We’re starting a regular Tuesday night women’s Bible Study. Women of all ages, races, and denominations are welcome! It will be from 6:00-8:00pm at the Grassy Pond Family Life Center. (Big shout out to the peeps at G.P.!) (Don’t worry if you can’t get there right at 6:00! From 6:00 to 6:30, we’re just coming to take our time, talk, grab a cup of coffee (or tea!) and get settled!) First up: we’re starting Seamless by Angie Smith. It’s an easy study! (Know a lot about the Bible? Great! You’ll love it! Know a little about the Bible? Great! You’ll love it! Know nothing about the Bible? Great! You’ll love it! Just want to get away from your Husband, Kids, Parents, Schoolwork, Work, or whatever for a little bit? Great! You’ll love it!) The homework (Yeah, there’s a little of that – not bad – I promise!) is short and the video sessions are about 15 minutes in length. Bonus – All of the books have already been provided! So, no worries as to whether you can afford one or not – they're free! If you can, just send me a message and let me know you’d like a book with your name on it! (If you can’t – no worries – we’ll have extras!) 

And I just want to make sure all you ladies understand: We want YOU. Yes, YOU. (You know, the one reading this.) Maybe you don’t know us that well… We don’t care. We’d love to get to know you! Maybe you’re not sure if you’d fit in… We’re all sisters here. He loves us and so we all have something in common. Maybe you’re like: But I’m not a member of Grassy Pond… Well, this isn’t a Grassy Pond thing. This is a women who love Jesus thing. (Or even a women who just want to know more about Jesus thing.) So come on! Grab a cup coffee or tea, a snack (we might have a couple of those!), and an ink pen and let’s see what God has to say to us – because He still speaks!  

Really hope to see you there, my friend! 

{EDIT: In my excitement, I may have forgotten to mention the date... (Okay, I totally did.) Anyway, we start the first Tuesday in August!}

True Beauty

I love beautiful things. Don’t you? Not many people want to go around looking at ugly things, so I imagine that you, at the very least, appreciate the pretty things in life.

A lot of things in life are beautiful. Today though, we’re going to narrow down the beautiful spectrum to people – Women, in particular. I’m a woman, so I feel this is relevant. Also, compared to our male companions, it’s a bigger deal for us.

I married a man that I think has a highly attractive face. I like his face a lot. And yes, I checked out his baby pictures as soon as I could.  (He’s been a stud since day 1.) It comes naturally to him. He just wakes up appealing.  (On a random tangent: I’m a bit of a vain bird, and I always told my friends that one should never marry a man that she thought had an ugly face. They always laughed at me. My theory was that looks are, to a degree, actually important. I figured that body shapes and weight can change over the years, so you should probably judge attractiveness by the face. After all, you’re going to have to wake up and look at that face every morning, and chances are, it’s going to be the last face you look at every night. In which case, you best like the face you’re looking at. If God decides to bless you with children, chances are pretty high that their little faces will look a lot like the face you married. So, you best like the face you married. Whether anyone else in the world thinks so or not, you need to like said face.) It takes dear husband 10 minutes to get ready for work every morning. On Sunday’s it takes him 15 minutes to get ready. No one notices if it took him 5 minutes or if it took him 15 minutes to get ready. The time taken doesn’t make him more or less attractive. It just means that he wears a nicer shirt and pants. And age does not affect the attractiveness or the getting-ready-to-see-people routine.

Me, on the other hand…

If I only took 5 minutes, if I only just threw on the clothes I had picked out for the day, if I just brushed my teeth and headed out the door… ouch. Within a few minutes of seeing people, someone would ask: “Are you feeling okay today?” And someone, somewhere, would be whispering: “Bless her heart.” I have to follow the standards set around me, even if it's at a minimum. Here in the ol’ U.S. of A. (God bless America.) we have certain ideas of feminine beauty and what we should do and look like before we present ourselves to the world every day. I have always, always, always wanted to be beautiful, so I attempt so follow the rules. But I keep falling short. My hair wasn’t the right color or texture. I have freckles. I’m too skinny. (Contrary to popular thinking, no one wants “skinny” they want Curvy-Yet-Thin.) For years, I have beat myself up about the fact that even when I tried to follow all of the beauty rules, I just wasn’t pretty. But you know what, while it wasn’t a good thing to think, it was okay because I didn’t really have anyone following me around, watching my every move, and copying everything single thing that I do. If I wanted to try too hard, okay. If I wanted to bum it, okay. If I wanted to just feel bad about myself and talk about how ugly I thought I was, no biggie. I’m only downing myself and killing my own self esteem. Now-a-days, I have a miniature person that follows me around. Anything I do, she does. ANYTHING. And you know what? She looks an awful lot like me. (Granted, I think she’s the most gorgeous little person to ever walk this planet.) That brown hair I’ve hated all my life, she has it. Those brown eyes I had always wished were blue? Yep, she’s got those too. And it’s looking like freckles and being a skinny Minnie is just going to be a part of the package deal. (Sorry honey, no curves for you!) I can’t hate my looks anymore. If I hate my looks, then it’s hating her looks. If I put down my looks, I put down her looks. If I wish I looked different, then I wish she looked different.  If I tell her I look horrible, I tell her I she looks horrible. For her sake, I’m having to learn to love me.

I think God did it on purpose.

On my journey, I’m learning some things about beauty.

1 – Clean is beautiful.  It really is!

2 – Not every person, not every county, has the same ideals for beauty. While you may be the ugliest thing since sliced bread (Yeah, I know I messed that one up.) to one person, to the next person, you could be the best looking thing since sliced bread. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. (Granted, I have found that #1 seems to be true across the board.)

3 – Styles and tastes change. Best stick with the basics.

4 – It’s also best to stay true to who you are. I’m a simple kind of gal when it comes to clothes and make-up. Always have been. (Which, thankfully, is one of the reasons my husband found me attractive. Makes you feel good to be loved for who you are, doesn’t it?) Bold colored skirts and high-heels aren’t going to make me more comfortable and relaxed. And I’m not going to shine my brightest when I’m uncomfortable and feel awkward.

5 – God made us all different. There are things about us that make us, well, us. Sometimes, yes, there are some things that we need to learn to do to make sure that we shine our brightest (Please refer back to point number 1.), but we should celebrate the things that make us unique!

Let me end with this: In college, I had a guy tell a friend of mine that I would actually be pretty if I just learned to wear make-up, do my hair, dress differently, talk differently, walk differently, and act differently. In other words, naturally, I’m ugly. I took a gamble and didn't change anything. A year later, I met the man who is now my husband. And I WAS NOT the prettiest person in the world when I met Ben. Often, Ben would see me in sweat pants, basketball shorts, Velcro shoes I bought at Walmart, no make-up, hair a mess, and baggy, oversized shirts. (Hey, it was college. Sleep is important – helps your brain work more efficiently.) And when he did see me dressed in something other than what I slept in, it was usually simple and functional – nothing that was going to make me win a beauty contest or land me in a fashion magazine. After all of that, Lord have mercy, he asked me on a date! THEN he asked me to MARRY him!! While I didn’t always bum it, I never really dressed to be something that I wasn't. Even my dressier clothes were comfortable and functional. Ben still thought I was beautiful. (Still does) He liked that I usually wore jeans and t-shirts. He liked that I didn’t wear a lot of make-up. Did he always like my clothes choices? No, of course not. (He hated those Velcro shoes!) But he liked the things about me that made me choose how I wore my hair, did my make-up, and what clothes that I wore. In other words, he liked ME. If I had listened to my friend’s opinion, I would have missed out on one of the best gifts of my life!

You’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.